Best of Scrubs Season Two Quotes

at .

Good old season two of Scrubs started off with Dr. Cox angry at J.D. for finding out his mentee slept with his ex-wife and ended with Cox discovering that Jordan's baby, Jack, was actually son. 

Along the way we had some incredible guest stars, including Tasty Coma Wife (Amy Smart), Turk's borther (D.L. Hughley), the reason Cox and Jordan got divorced (Jay Mohr) and Turk and J.D.'s old college buddy, Spence (Ryan Reynolds).

Ryan Reynolds on Scrubs

Overall, the second season will always be one of our favorites and had some of the most memorable Scrubs moments.  Now's your chance to relive the season with some of our favorite Scrubs quotes from the season. 

Here's just some of our favorite Scrubs season two quotes, you can follow the previous link for the rest!

Dr. Cox [to J.D.]: Do you know how I know this is your's, Farrah? Because when I paged you earlier someone found it next to a can of Fresca and a dog-eared copy of Teen People Magazine - anyway. Long story short, the whole incident gave me a bang up idea, because you see I've got tomorrow off. So I'm gonna be on my couch sipping on some scotch paging you every twenty seconds and if you don't answer every damn last one of them I'm gonna shove this thing so far down your throat it's gonna make you take a tinkle every time it goes off | permalink
J.D: This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay? It's not like something everybody can do.
Janitor: Ohh, so you can do my stuff but I can't do yours.
J.D.: Yes!
Janitor: Okay hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
J.D.: I don't know-the rough side of a sponge?
Janitor: Damnit! | permalink
Dan: So, while I'm here, we should play some frisbee golf, we should... maybe give dad a call... Dad. Oh, we should definitely make sure I sleep with that Elliot chick.
J.D.: That's a little weird for me 'cause... I don't know if you'd know this or not, but... we used to be intimate.
Dan: Int-inimate? What'd you do, bathe her?
J.D.: Yeah, once... but she was wearing a swimsuit. | permalink
Julie: Plomox is the most effective antiarrhythmic drug on the market right now and it has minimal side effects. Only nausea, impotence and anal leakage.
Dr. Cox: I'm getting two out of three just from the conversation. | permalink
Heather Locklear on Scrubs
Janitor: Hold up! There's been a number of thefts around the hospital. We're doing bag checks.
J.D.: But what about that guy taking scrubs?
Janitor: Hey, Tom!
Tom: Hey!
Janitor: He doesn't have a bag. | permalink
Elliot: Yeah, well, pretty don't pay the rent!
Carla: It does for my sister.
Elliot: Oh, my God, your sister's a prostitute!?
Carla: She's a model. Come on, Elliot, we talked about thinking before we speak. | permalink
Turk: Are you watching 'Sesame Street'?
Elliot: You know, when I was a kid, I had my first sex dream about Mr. Hooper. Least I think it was a sex dream - he was trying to choke me.
Turk: Yeah, that-that's sweet. | permalink
Todd: Dude. What are her boobs like?
Elliot: Todd, I'm standing right here.
Todd: I'm sorry. What are your boobs like? | permalink
J.D.: Okay first you gotta get like fifty candles, spread em' all over the room with some rose petals...
Turk: That's right because the roses are beautiful and they make the room smell amazing.
J.D.: Like a meadow in spring time...
Carla: What are you guys talking about?
Turk: Nothing, guy talk.
J.D.: Yeah, bitches and hoes! | permalink
Dr. Kelso: Perry! Hi. How are you, etcetera. The wife and I just took out a new insurance policy and I need a physical.
Dr. Cox: Bob, the day I willingly cradle your dusty old twig and berries and get a whiff of your chronic halitosis while you turn your head and cough, is the day you can look for me up on the roof singing "I Believe I Can Fly."
Dr. Kelso: Great stuff. See you about twoish. | permalink
Elliot: I still can't believe you guys are getting married!
Carla: I know! All my girlfriends think I'm crazy... about you! Because you're so damn cute!
Turk: Good save. | permalink
Elliot: Thank you!
Janitor: Oh, for what? For doing my job? Come on! This kind of thing gets me up in the morning. That, and the smell of urinal cakes. | permalink
Dr. Cox: In response to the beastiality rumor circulating about you, I've decided to forego calling you by the usual girl's name and instead I'm going to be referring to you by whatever famous dog I can think of. I've gone with Lassie because of course that satisfies the critera of being both a girl and a dog's name, thus helping you ease into the transition.
J.D.: I was just running kissing drills.
Dr. Cox: That's completely normal then. | permalink
His Story Pic
Dr. Cox: Hey Betty, hey Wilma. What the hell, you're only forty minutes late. Do I, do I smell beer?
J.D.: Oh we, we ahh had a few.
Dr. Cox: Newsflash. You can't drink and then come to work. You're not airline pilots.
J.D.: Look Doctor Cox...
Dr. Cox: No you look! If someone had asked me, just this morning is there anyway that I could have less respect for you two geniuses I would have said no, no that's not possibile. But low-and-behold you went and pulled it off. Congratulations. The only problem is I'm fresh outta blue ribbons so instead you're gonna have to settle for a lifetime supply of my foot up your ass. Now go home, you're not fit to work tonight. | permalink

Eric Hochberger is the programmer of TV Fanatic, so please forgive his mediocre writing. His programming is far better. Follow him on Twitter and/or email him. Just don't request threaded comments. They're coming.

Show Comments

Scrubs Quotes

Elliot: Wait a second! This chart isn't for Charles James, it's for James Charles! He's the one who has cancer, not you!
J.D.: And who cares about him! He's anti-Semitic!

J.D.: You okay?
Turk: No. Sometimes I wish I'd never gotten this stupid diabetes!
J.D.: Hey! Let's not get crazy!