Reunion shows are like a bad car accident. You know you should look away but you just can’t help yourself. That accurately describes The Real Housewives of New York City Season 7 Episode 20.
Kristen looked gorgeous. Bethenny was as together as we’ve seen her all season, and everyone else was a train wreck.
The first highlight of the night: Heather will be retiring “Holla!” Well Holla that! Plus 50. That tag line has annoyed me for two seasons.
Next up, LuAnn’s dress was getting the most tweets. General consensus was that she looked like a mermaid crossed with a hooker from the 1980s. Minus 33.
Heather appeared as though she forgot to button her top while Kristen could have used some tape to secure those new breasts of hers, but that’s okay. She’s only had those since last season. It’ll take time to read through the users manual.
In other fashion news, Bethenny wore a pantsuit. Has anyone ever done that on a reunion show before? Say what you will, Bethenny was the best dressed homeless person in all of Midtown Manhattan tonight. Plus 20.
Let’s get down to the friendships... or the crumbling ruins of them.
LuAnn was on the outs with both Heather and Carole. Not sure what her beef was with Heather, but she’s still ticked off that Carole is dating Adam. It’s been eight months, Countess. Get over it! Minus 23.
So was LuAnn upset because Adam’s young (28-years-old), Adam was dating her niece or that Adam’s her employee? But if Carole had just banged some random 20-something and threw him back the next day, there’d be no problem with that.
The Countess seems to have the moral of an alley cat. Screwing a guy in his 30s in a club bathroom is just fine but having an actual sustained relationship with someone in their 20s offends her.
Hold on while I try and find that chapter in her book on proper etiquette.
Does anyone else feel badly for LuAnn’s niece Nicole whom she managed to bring up in every episode? If you believe LuAnn’s version of this story, poor Nicole had been dating Adam, then downgraded to only hooking up when he cheated on her and dumped her for Carole leaving Nicole crying to Aunt LuAnn. Minus 27. If I were Nicole, I wouldn’t be happy with my aunt right about now.
Sonja’s drinking was another topic of conversation. Some days it’s hard to tell which is more inane, drunk Sonja or sober Sonja. Here’s drunk Sonja in this The Real Housewives of New York City quote…
Sonja: I party with John John Kennedy and Madonna all the time.
Dorinda: Well, John John's dead so that's difficult.
Well, Madonna’s alive. Can someone get her on the phone to verify?
And here’s sober Sonja talking about being drunk…
If I have one drink I'm buzzed. Two drinks, I'm drunk. Three drinks, I'm yours.Sonja
But Sonja swears she doesn’t have a drinking problem…even when she’s making out with women on the dance floor and showing off her hooha to whomever will look. Minus 35.
On the upside, Bethenny watched her footage from the season and owned it. She’s aggressive. She’s abrasive. She can be a b*tch, and sometimes she doesn’t like what she sees, but it’s a work in progress. Plus 22. I can go with that.
Episode total = -26! Season total = -194!
This was only part one! Check back next week for The Real Housewives of New York City Season 7 Episode 21 as the reunion continues and if you missed a minute, you’ll want to watch The Real Housewives of New York City online here at TV Fanatic.
C. Orlando is a TV Fanatic Staff Writer. Follow her on Twitter.