Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Season 2 Episode 1 Review: Rule #58: Avoid The Douchemobile

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In the words of Max, Secrets Kill.

My heart breaks for Abby and Jake after watching Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Season 2 Episode 1, because I cannot figure out what is wrong with them. There is still so much love between them, but they cannot get their heads out of the collective asses long enough to stop repeating past mistakes.

We'll analyze that a little bit during this review, as well as Delia's take on engagement and marriage, what's going down with Phoebe and the crazy woman that is Jo. You guys THE GIRLFRIENDS ARE BACK!!!!

The Douchemobile - Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce

I'd love to say that you never realize how much you miss something until it returns, but that just wouldn't be true in this case. Honestly, if GG2D were on TV once a week 52 weeks a year, I'd watch. It's so easy to care about these women and their stories!

Before we get into the main event, let's talk about the incredible side stories.

Up first, Phoebe. She has grown so much from the childlike woman we first met in Girlfriends Guide to Divorce Season 1. Although she still slips and gets a little too drunk at times for his taste, she's managed to maintain a stable relationship with Marco. 

As we catch up with her, Kori is still a thorn in her side, going to far as to place a restraining order on her. The sheer audacity that a woman who once took advantage of a teenage girl to the extent she did Phoebe would later pull that kind of stunt is appalling, but she was able to get away with it all of her life, so why not?

But she didn't count on Phoebe settling into a life with new, supportive relationships. She's grounded and feels secure enough that she'd rather make public all that she went through to end Kori's reign of terror than to allow it to continue. It was a ballsy move and it paid off. 

Jo's story is a little less clear. Things with her new bakery aren't going great, she has a new baker coming into town and somehow he ends up camping in the backyard. In the midst of this craziness, Jo suggests to Abby they move in together permanently. 

It's pretty obvious the two are fantastic friends but completely incompatible from a lifestyle standpoint. Jo is a fly by the seat of your pants kind of gal, and Abby craves stability. As friends that works because they give each other something they crave; as roommates, it's a fiasco. 

By the end of the hour, Jo and Abby have decided to part ways and the visit Zoey was going to take to see her dad becomes a permanent move. Jo didn't talk about it with Abby, and Abby has been so into her own thing that I don't think she fully understood how dire it would be for Joe and Zoey if they didn't live together any longer. She's going to feel horribly. Not that this is about Abby. It's about a friendship and miscommunication, really.

Delia appears to be doing everything right. She wants to find a marriage that suits both her and Gordon, believing it's not a one marriage suits all kind of thing. She's right, of course, and expecting to fit into a mold for all others is certain doom. But Gordon is more traditional. How to they get through that?

First of all, the girls want to meet and approve of Gordon. They do. They like him very much. They're also saddened to learn Delia doesn't want a wedding because they were so excited about it, almost as excited as Gordon at the prospect.

Delia has always been so afraid of commitment, but she's learning to compromise. She's sort of the man in the relationship, which seems to be working out very well. What she does to achieve that is voice her concerns. While it might take her a little while, that's because she's mulling over what it really means to her first and not making hasty decisions. It's better than lying, right?

But in the back of my mind I keep hearing Albert and that toss away comment about Gordon putting a baby into her to get his way. He did know Gordon first, didn't he? Oh the worries.

Which brings us to Jake and Abby. Yes, they are testing the waters of their divorce. There is so much left between them, but they are so afraid of losing it again that they aren't being truthful...again.

I'm going to give Jake a small pass on his decision to hold back news of the pregnancy because he thought Becca was going to have an abortion. If she had, there wouldn't have been a reason to tell Abby. They were apart and it happened, end of story. However, now the entire thing will come back to bite him in the ass. Ugh.

Abby, meanwhile, is selling herself and her writing based upon her expertise in the divorce department. The fun, sexy side of divorce, sort of. Everyone is buying into it, except her new managing editor, Barbara, whose own divorce has left her unhappy and anything but fun and sexy. 

Even the thought of discussing it with Abby made Barbara create an invisible wall and door around her desk which she then closed. The pain on her face was palpable. I ached for Barbara. I also got the feeling she and Abby would, eventually, become good friends. We know Abby has the ability to ache with the best of them.

It was something she did later when she met up with Will, who used her like a cheap tart, one last time. That felt so ugly, especially by the trash bins. It surprised me he did that to her, but it was his way of both getting back at her for not treating him as a viable partner and just saying goodbye. Still, not cool. And perhaps shows she shouldn't have treated him like he hoped to be treated in the first place. Kind of a punk move.

Abby and Jake spend so much time talking about how they're going to be different. But they aren't following through with actually being different. They have love for each other, and the sexual desire is certainly there, but Abby still won't talk about their relationship, and they're both keeping secrets. Secrets Kill.

Is that what we're in for this season? Will we have to watch Abby and Jake come OHSOCLOSE only to self destruct again? Will they be able to take their time and get it right, giving each other the adequate space needed to test the waters and ensure that they are the right ones? Can they look at everyone around them and learn a thing or two about getting it right?

This was an absolutely fabulous start to the new season. GG2D is sexier than ever, smarter and still utterly addictive. It's an emotional whirlwind from start to finish and each commercial feels like torture. Bravo, Bravo!

If you need to catch up with the fabulous ladies, you can watch Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce online any time via TV Fanatic. Don't miss a minute!

Rule #58: Avoid The Douchemobile Review

Editor Rating: 4.75 / 5.0
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Rating: 5.0 / 5.0 (4 Votes)

Carissa Pavlica is the managing editor and a staff writer and critic for TV Fanatic. She's a member of the Critic's Choice Association, enjoys mentoring writers, cats, and passionately discussing the nuances of television and film. Follow her on Twitter and email her here at TV Fanatic.

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Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce Season 2 Episode 1 Quotes

Secrets kill, Jake. Secrets kill.


Jake: You know, at a certain point, we're actually going to have to talk about what's going on here.
Abby: I know. Can't we just keep it secret and delicious for now?
Jake: So I want to talk about our relationship and you don't. We are truly Jake and Abby 2.0.