How do we say goodbye?
Xiomara posed that very question at the end of Jane the Virgin Season 5 Episode 17, and nothing sums up my feelings more succinctly.
We're almost at the end, and despite this being the weakest season to date, it's still bittersweet.
Look, nothing against anyone on the Jane the Virgin team.
Putting together a final season is a tall order, and appeasing everyone is nearly impossible.
We're always going to have a bone to pick with something. That's just life.
Nevertheless, I'm enjoying this strange ride for what it is and soaking up these last moments with the Gloriana Villaneuva family.
The realistic moments of the episode were great, but the moments that leaned heavily into telenovela territory fell short.
Jane: You know what, I'm not scared of you anymore. I'm just sick of you.
Narrator: Jane, stop. You're going to get yourself killed.
Jane: I tell my son every night that monsters aren't real. But they are. I'm looking at one. But you'll never win.
Rose: So, wait. We are gonna do the speech now?
Jane: Because you know what else I tell him? Good always triumphs over evil.
Rose's masterplan was revealed and to be honest, it was lame and non-existent.
Everything she's ever done was motivated by her love for Luisa.
She broke out of jail and created an army of minions to be with her one true love.
If Luisa hadn't betrayed Rose, Rose wouldn't have had any motive to come after Jane.
Rose has been an elusive and terrifying villain all these years, but she just felt like a run-of-the-mill villain when she ambushed Jane.
Yes, I was a nervous wreck the entire time, but only because I expected Rose to have people at Mateo's school waiting for him or something.
Did anyone even know where Mateo was at the time? And why did no one come to check in on Jane?
Then, Rose's grand plan was to sneak into the This Is Mars party essentially wearing alien costumes from Spirit Halloween.
What happened to the plastic surgery genius who could change her appearance at the snap of her fingers?
The one who befriended Michael as Susanna and faked his whole death?
We needed that Rose to come out and play.
Petra: Or maybe I'm just not meant to couple up. Maybe it's not my destiny. I have a great life without a partner. And honestly, the Marbella satisfies me in a way I don't a lover ever could.
Rafael: I am so glad we got divorced.
Rose was capable of so much more than what she delivered in her final hurrah.
There's a chance Rafael picked up on Jane's tapping while in her alien costume, but realistically, it was almost impossible.
Then again, maybe I should just let all of this go and accept that it's a telenovela?
Jane and Rafael survived, Luisa redeemed herself as the heroine of the story, and Rose fell to her death, impaled by some Mars icicle, which served as a terrific callback to the glory days of Jane the Virgin Season 1.
And it looked like she was burned at the stake, too. Fitting.
Good riddance to a once-promising villain who couldn't live up to her reputation.
Many of us thought that Jane the Virgin would bring back Michael so he could finally take down Rose once and for all.
After all, it was his life's goal, and it couldn't be a coincidence that he was in Miami just as she escaped.
Dennis was doing a pretty crappy job of locating her, so reaching out to Michael would have made sense.
But, nope. Instead, they brought back Michael to sign his life rights over for Jane's book.
When Jane met up with him, he revealed that he wouldn't sign the paperwork because his very pregnant fiancee, Charlie, wasn't digging the novel.
Yep, the Charlie that hated him was now pregnant with his baby.
Jane pleads with Michael to allow her to publish the book, but Michael's all like "this is a family decision, Jane. I support whatever Charlie wants."
How weird is it to see Michael free from Jane's spell?
He was always such a yes man, but this scene proved that there was nothing left between them aside from a few memories.
Michael may be Michael-Jason now, but his devotion to a partner remains admirable.
It turns out that Charlie was testing Michael to see if there were any remaining sparks between him and his ex.
When she realized there weren't she signed the paperwork and that was that.
It's cute that Michael found happiness and was starting a new chapter in his life, but seeing how far he'd drifted from Jane still hurt.
Hearing him say "goodbye" to her one final time was heartbreaking.
And there was still no epic reunion between Michael and Rogelio!
Jane and Michael tried to smooth things over by saying this was always part of their destiny, but nothing will make things better for Team Michael fans out there.
Michael's return was handled poorly from start to finish.
I've echoed this sentiment since they brought him back and after this scene, I'll say it again: they should have just left him dead.
With Rose gone and Michael riding his horse off into the sunset with his pregnant lady, we've tied up the biggest loose ends.
Rogelio spent most of the episode getting duped by Esteban and Darci.
God, Mateo's gotten so big. I haven't seen him since, well, you remember, of course.Rose
They knew he needed them to move to New York and took advantage of that by forcing him to give Esteban a huge recurring role on This Is Mars.
I've been over the This Is Mars storyline for a while now, and this was no different.
Do we really think Xiomara and Rogelio are going to leave behind Miami and move away from their family? Absolutely not.
Xiomara is tied to Jane and Alba -- she could never be that far away from them.
And seeing how hurt Xo was at the end, Rogelio would never make her move.
But even if they did decide to move, it's roughly a 3-hour flight from New York to Miami.
It's not the end of the world.
I'm sure Rogelio is getting paid the big bucks so they can afford to fly and see their loved ones frequently.
Rafael decided to quit his job at the Marbella, keep his real-estate gig, and focus on his family with Jane.
Luisa is right -- he really has grown up so much.
Jane gambled her book and sold it in a bidding war for $500 thousand!
Who is the buyer? I would assume it has to be someone that we know or that will have a major impact on the storyline.
Maybe it has something to do with the Narrator?
There was one scene on Jane the Virgin Season 5 Episode 17 where Rogelio and the Narrator said the same phrase.
Krishan: I promise I wasn't stalking your ex-girlfriend. That would be creepy. I just love obits.
Narrator: Cause that's not creepy.
Could it be that Rogelio has been narrating Jane's story all along?
It seems like Michael and Charlie's pregnancy was the one that got teased, but I'm not opposed to Jane and Rafael having more children in the future whether by a medical miracle or adoption.
Petra realized that the greatest love in her life isn't necessarily a person, it's the Marbella.
I've always thought that neither Jane nor Petra needed a man to feel whole or successful, so I fully support this career-driven love story.
However, it's obvious that JR will be returning since she's already in Miami for her mother's funeral and there were leaked photos of her attending Jane and Rafael's wedding.
Which brings us to the final episode ... the big day.
There will likely be plenty of callbacks to Jane the Virgin Season 1, and I'll be bawling like a baby.
On the bright side, since all of the villains have been eliminated, we can be sure that nothing is going to ruin their big day.
Are you ready for the end?
What do you think the most dramatic part of the series finale will be?
Be sure to watch Jane the Virgin online, and catch up on all the episodes before the final curtain call.
TV Fanatics, I'm already tearing up just thinking about it.