Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari) may be the worst employee working under Leslie Knope at the Parks and Recreation department of Pawnee, Indiana, but he's also the funniest.

Tom Haverford Quotes

Tom: I have no interest in art. Let me clarify: I have no interest in non-nude images.

There isn't a woman alive who doesn't love diamonds. Even the super left wing chicks who saw Blood Diamond and cried. When they get a diamond, they like, "yeah, bitch, get more of them blood diamonds. Make 'em extra bloody."

Tom
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Parks & Rec Quotes

"I guess I kind of hate most things. But I never really seem to hate you. So I want to spend the rest of my life with you, is that cool?"

April

Oh, uh, also, Mark. Again, we don't have those extra small condoms you ordered. I called the factory, i''s going to take a special order. Not just because of the size, but because of the weird shape as well. Something they've never dealt with before.

Andy