Turk: Dude, I'm dying here. J.D.: Turk, it's been like eighteen hours since you had sex. Turk: I'm saying, this is torture! J.D.: So why don't you just, like, "take care of yo'self"? Turk: Man, you know I don't do that. J.D.: You don't? Turk: Nah, I've only done that like twice in my life. J.D.: Same here. J.D.'s Narration: If by "in my life" you mean "since I came home."