You may not deserve to live. But I will *never* stoop to your level!

You don’t need *me*. Everything that this place stands for, this is *you*, Clay. And you can’t expect Sarah to let her guard down if you don’t let *your* guard down.

Bishop: So our intruder accidentally killed himself--
Abby: --with a pipe bomb--
Bishop: --on the roof of NCIS headquarters.

Abby: I saw no moxie when she stayed at my place last night! She barely even spoke to me!
Jimmy: By any chance, did you have her sleep in your guest casket?
Abby: I do not have a guest *casket*, I have a guest *room*!

Sloane: So, if this ‘one of a kind’ Viking war stick is in storage…
Abby: What is it doing here?

Abby: Death by cookies.
McGee: Cookies.
Abby: Yes. Frosted almond cookies, with little almond bits and some poison mixed in.

McGee, you’re like this giant hamster on this giant guilt wheel! You have to get off of it!

McGee: What’d you do to your finger?
Abby: Oh, uh, nothing. I mean, well, I got a splinter. Don’t tell Gibbs, ‘cause he’ll, like, try to dig it out with a knife.

Abby [about McGee]: He’s not all that involved, so…
Delilah: Just right in the middle of it.
Abby: Like, directly in the middle of it, yes.

You’re speaking to someone who believes in God, who believes in the immortal soul, and whose third favorite movie is “Ghost.”

Abby: You… you don’t know what I think!
Sloane: You betcha, I don’t.

When it comes to stupidity, I would not underestimate this guy.

NCIS Quotes

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.