Penny: I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please, I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've gone away, just the two of us?
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah, we're going to sleep our asses off.

Howard: Dinner ready?
Bernadette: Not unless you cooked.

Raj: You two are as afraid of hurting someone's feelings as I am.
Bernadette: That's not true. We were just laughing right in your face.

Bernadette: I don't when I became the mother to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Raj: Hey, I don't even live here!
Bernadette: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?

Bernadette: Howard, you're grown men. You guys don't have to do everything together.
Howard: I know, that's why I'm spending tonight with you.

Bernadette: Leonard makes you watch that [Game of Thrones] too?
Penny: No, no. I like that show. It's got dragons and people doing it.

Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: Nope. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Bernadette: A two-hundred dollar R2D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie. You're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

Excuse me. You better find my husband's mother, because one way or another, we're walking out of here with a dead woman!

Penny reading Amy's book: "Amelia stood before the newly repaired time machine.She regretted giving Cooper the part he needed."
Bernadette: Because she wanted him to give her the part she needed.

Penny: You look like a talking cupcake!
Pageant Bernadette: And you should pick me for Miss California Quiznos 1999, because I want to...Tell you what I want, what I really really want I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna Really, really, really be Miss California Quiznos 1999!

TBBT Quotes

Leonard: Hi. I'm Leonard. You are beautiful. You pop, sparkle and buzz electric. I'm going to pick you up at eight, show you a night you will never forget.
Raj: Where are we going?

Penny: Here's a question-- as an alien pretending to be human, are you planning to engage in any post-prom mating rituals with Amy?
Sheldon: There are post-prom mating rituals?
Penny: Not always. Unless your date drives a van with an air mattress, then always.
Sheldon: Well, if it's part of the prom experience, then I'm open to it.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: I may be an alien, but I have urges.If Amy wants to copulate by firing her eggs into space, well, then, I will happily catch them with the reproductive sac on my upper flermin. I'm not the best at reading facial cues, but I can see that you're a little turned on.