Davis Quotes
(to Zack) Oh, man! You were right about that guy. He's trying to steal your baby. Like a reverse stork.
(to Zack) When I saw that guy kissing your pregnant lady, I got this really sick feeling in my stomach. Kinda like the time I saw my mom skinny-dipping with my Uncle Bob.
Abby: This couch is so dirty, I really feel like I'm having an adventure.
Davis: You should see the bathroom. It's like being in Bangladesh.
Abby: You know, if my sister weren't pregnant, I never would've met you.
Davis: Well, if my best friend hadn't had sex with her, I never would have met you.
Zack: Best friends are like Supreme Court appointments. You can't lose that job until you retire or die.
Davis: Sweet, man. A job you can't get fired from. That is tailor-made for moi
Billie: Who wants makeup ribs?!
Davis: Ooh. I heard "makeup" and I was like "not me." Then I heard "ribs" and I was like "meeee!"
Ryan: [Billie] ate our ribs?! And this is how I find out? Oh, it is on!
Davis: Yeah! What could we do? How could we get her back? What of hers can we eat? Does she have a cat... or something like a cat?
Zack [carrying a toilet upstairs]: This thing was way cheap on Craigslist.
Davis: This is a used toilet?!
Andrea: I'm just not interested in anything more than a physical relationship with you.
Davis: Why?! I mean, what is it about me? Is-- is it because I live in a dump? Or because I have no money... or any desire to make money? Because I have no goals or dreams... or desire to have any goals or dreams?
Davis [about Billie]: I thought the two of you were cool with dating other people?
Zack: Yeah, but who's going to date her? She's got stuff popping out all over the place. You know, and I want to be a good guy about this, so I'm just going to do it behind her back.
Davis: You're a class act, Zack
This chick is really out of my league. I mean, she's the kind that only sleeps with guys who have doors on their bathrooms... You know, fancy guys
Davis: What's the next move with this girl?
Billie: Well, that depends. I mean, do we want to have a relationship with her or we're just looking to introduce our genitals to each other?
Davis: Ah, I've done the whole just-get-laid-casual-sex-never-see-each-other-again thing, so what I'm ready for now... is more of that
Davis [about Billie and Zack]: Don't stress him out. She's not gonna try to marry him. She's just gonna mold him into a boring funless drone whose sole purpose in life is to accompany her to the fabric store! I mean, Shark Week? That's canceled. Peeing in the sink, finished! [to Zack]: I mean, she's gonna have your balls in a bear trap. But other than that, you are all good!
