Penny: I don't like to drink when I fly.
Bernadette: Please, I've seen you drink in the shower.
Howard: You guys have showered together?

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've gone away, just the two of us?
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah, we're going to sleep our asses off.

Howard: Dinner ready?
Bernadette: Not unless you cooked.

Leonard: I'm not going to make a fake appointment with a psychiatrist. What would I say is wrong with me?
Koothrappali: Low self esteem.
Howard: Social anxiety.
Sheldon: Sexual insecurity.
Leonard: None of that is true.
Penny: Denial. See sweetie, the list goes on and on.

Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a masters degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for Apple Care. That pays for itself in the long run.

Bernadette: Howard, you're grown men. You guys don't have to do everything together.
Howard: I know, that's why I'm spending tonight with you.

Sheldon: I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
Howard: Something happened different from the way you wanted it.
Sheldon: I guess news travels fast.

Bernadette: Did she throw anything away?
Howard: Nope. If I find my foreskin, I'm gonna kill myself.

Okay, then, how about this. Let's invite everyone over to dinner. It'll be like Ma's feeding us one last time.

Bernadette: A two-hundred dollar R2D2 is a business expense?
Howard: Oh, Bernie. You're gonna have to sound a lot more confident when we get audited.

No. My mom died.

Leonard: Stephen Hawking liked our paper. Said the premise is intriguing.
Sheldon: Good to see you again, Mr. Stephen-Hawking- Liked-Our-Paper.
Leonard: And you as well, Mr. Our-Premise-Is-Intriguing.
Howard: How do you do, Mr. I'll- Admit-That's-Pretty-Cool?
Raj: Yeah, you keep setting me up for failure.

TBBT Quotes

Bozeman does have a comedy club called the Loony Bin. Please don't forward my mail there.

Sheldon

There once was a brave lad named Leonard, with a fie fie fiddle dee dee. He faced a fearsome giant while Raj just wanted to pee.

Sheldon (singing)