Louis: I guess this isn't the country club night you were expecting.
Jessica: Are you kidding? We stuck it to a rich guy. It's just like Caddy Shack.

Louis: You better watch out because Scarface and Miller's Crossing are coming at you.
Restaurant Owner: Is that what you guys call each other? There's nothing I hate more than a couple of cinephiles.

Eddie: What's this?
Louis: 50 small to buy your video game
Eddie: Why?
Louis: Because you don't have to be a hard man to be a hard worker

Louis: If you want money you need to work
Eddie: But I can’t work. I’m only 11
Louis: But when your grandfather was 11, he had three kids as I say that I realize I’m exaggerating.

Jessica: At my family's furniture store, I handled employee grievances
Eddie: The employees were you and your sister
Jessica: That bitch

Stay away from Arkansas. They've outlawed all the fun stuff

Eddie, half the reason I come to this country is so that you can have sex.....I didn't mean it that way

We apologize if some of you felt sexually harrassed by out last sexual harrassment training session

Mitch: Howdy, Cattleman's Ranch
Louis: Mitch, how many tables are booked for tonight
Mitch: Uh, let's see. Oh just one but it's a big party of 10.
Louis: (whispering) OK, well, there's a change of plans, me and my family are coming in tonight. I need you to fill up the restaurant any way you can.
Mitch: Well, I got that big party of 10 coming in
Louis: No, we're the big party of 10.
Mitch: You and me?
Louis: Me and my family are the big party of 10!

Sometimes you have to spend money you don't have to make it seem like you have money that you don't spend.

The way my parents were acting you would have thought Maria Carey was coming to visit. I mean a pre-Nick Cannon in a Washington Wizards dress Mariah Carey


Eddie: Yo mom! You see Honey, ask her how those Skittles treated her.
Louis: Why are you giving women candy?
Eddie: Cause she's soooo sweet
Louis: Go to your room

Fresh Off the Boat Quotes

Louis: Are you ready to do this?
Mitch:: Not really, I feel like I've told you numerous times, I don't want to do this but all you do is smile and nod.
Louis: [Smiles and nods]
Mitch: You're doing it.
Louis: [Smiles and nods[
Mitch: See, you're doing it

If you get lost, try to find a white family. You will be safe there until I can find you.