Luke: How come you never wrote a poem for me?
Manny: Don't you get it? They were all for you.

Mom, I'm the lucky one.

Gloria: Manny! How many times have I told you not to call me mom when you're dressed like an old man!
Manny: Including now? Once.

Manny: Perhaps this candy bar represents your lost innocence?
Jay: It represents delicious chocolate. Now, you're sure you gave it to a Spider-Man?

You still got it! And to think I was worried last night, when you were trying to turn on your phone flashlight, and ended up taking like 30 pictures of your angry face.

You can't drink. You have to stay sober to drive the rest of us home.

Jay

Jay: If I didn't say it, it's a big deal, you going here.
Manny: If I didn't say it, I couldn't have done it without you.

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

Manny: I think it's a bold step, and I support you in your journey of self improvement.
Gloria: No, you're not getting your hair straightened.

I knew we should have poured the tequila in your belly button. That's why they have these systems in place.

Manny: Hey, that's my bike!
Luke: We're all making sacrifices. I'm wearing a monokini.

Manny: And just like that, it disappears.
Luke: In his defense, the water is really cold.

Modern Family Quotes

That's why we chose our secret warrior signal. My first suggestion was to blow a Viking horn. Don't google that, by the way.

Phil

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay