(to Troy) I'm your first? Aren't you like 40?

I didn't think he'd be back so soon. His passport accidentally ended up in my bag. Completely innocent, fully deniable mistake. But now it's like he's some sort of stalker! I knew that was him at my gym and my bank and my backup gym...

She actually thinks Emporio Armani and Georgio Armani are brothers! Ha!

This is the chair Willy got me when I told her the one I had was comfortable. This mark here? I was injecting her with botox and missed and hit a vein in her forehead. She ripped the needle out of my hand, threatened to plunge it into my eye, and said if it weren't for my clogged pores, my tiny brain would have seeped out long ago.

One of the only c-words in the English language never used to describe you. The other one's "cuddly."

I do not appreciate blackmail calls in the middle of the work day!

It just so happens that Justin has the moves of a young Mexican Beyoncé, and he would be happy to choreograph it for you.

The writer finished a draft of your speech. I think it's appropriately faux-modest, but preachy.

Oh, Mandi! You're having real feelings! Now I am happy for you!

Think of the tiny baby orphans! And your public image.

As much as I like giant wieners flying at me, this is a little outside my comfort zone.

I'm sorry, but that psychedelic misfit toy is living my dream!

Ugly Betty Quotes

Betty told me to feed and water you


I peed a little.