Arrested Development Season 3 Episode 9: "S.O.B.s" Quotes
Do you like foam in your coffee? It's called a cap-a-keeno, and you'll never believe what it costs!
TV Newscaster
And whatever happened to the Muffin Man? Remember him? I always pictured a giant six-foot muffin trying to eat me while I was eating him. It's kind of a fantasy I go to a lot now.
Andy Dick
Gob: If you didn't have adult onset diabetes, I wouldn't mind giving you a little sugar.
Mrs. Van Skoyk: Oh, Gob ... you could charm the black off a telegram boy.
Narrator: Ok, we should tell you right now. She is the one who dies!
Hardly. See, if it were me, I would say I'm Donnie Richter. I have a brother named Andy. He's an attention hog. He can't seem to really attract a real audience, but I love the fat S.O.B. anyway.
Donnie
Michael: My son expresses himself just fine. Isn't that right, son?
George Michael: What? Yeah ... fine. Uh, yes, I don't care. What's up?
Tobias: Yes, he's a regular Freddie Wilson, that one.
Michael: I don't know that reference.
Lindsay: I don't either.
Tobias: I don't know either.
Narrator: It's this guy. (an image of men dressed like the Village People is shown, with the "biker" highlighted)
Tobias: You know, Michael, if I may take off my acting pants for a moment and pull my analrapist stocking over my head, George Michael has been acting strange lately. I think he may have developed what we in the soft sciences refer to obsessive-compulsive disorder. Or the O.C. disorder.
Michael: Don't call it that.
Michael: My son's just fine where he is. And he's got the SAT's coming up. You got to do well on those. You studying upstairs?
George Michael: Yeah, I'm just taking a three real quick, so I can get a cream soda.
Michael: Gob, pal, how about you? Can you find some work?
Gob: Oh, sure, Michael. As what, a waiter? Can I get you something, madam?
Lucille: I will have a vodka, though.
(Lucille and Gob laugh)
Gob: What? Oh.
Michael: You know, if you'd ever accidentally worked a day in your life, you'd know that there's no indignity in it.
Gob: Great. She'll have a vodka.
Lindsay: They teach self-expression and getting in touch with feelings, Michael. I mean, I know you don't have any.
Gob: The boy who couldn't cry.
Buster: He's a robot! (Buster's prosthetic hand falls off)
Lindsay: Michael can cry. He just doesn't want to rust.
Tobias: Yes, he's like the steel man from The Wizard From Oz.
Lindsay: Yeah, check it out. I found that canned ham that we'd had forever, and I put it in a pot of boiling water, and guess what I'm calling it?
Michael: Soup?
Lindsay: Hot ham water.
George Michael: OCD? No, I'm just cleaning up after Aunt Lindsay. She never turns things off.
Michael: Well ... guess that explains why I saw the hedge trimmer zipping around the drive-way. I did it again, didn't I? I'm so self-centered. From now on, I want you to just tell me what's on your mind, ok? And I promise I won't just hear what I want to hear.
George Michael: I love my cousin.
Michael: Love you, too, pal.
Tobias: All right, I'll listen to this later. And don't tell me where you've been. It'll just make me worry more. But guess what? There's a new daddy in town.
Music: A new daddy in town ...
Tobias: A discipline daddy.
Music: A discipline daddy ... Gonna spank your behind, uh-huh ...
Tobias: Oh, it's a ... it's a parenting tape.
