Are you crazy? You can't let them ride down the stairs like that. They need helmets.


Dre: Not only is it fair, it's by design. Your mother and I waited eight years after you were born before having more children so we could take advantage of moments like this.
Rainbow: That's what I call planned parenthood.

He said Jack was born to steal bases, not TVs


Yeah you really did, by trying to make Mom and Grandma equal, you created an emotional half-fro.


Rainbow: Are you horse-whispering me?
Dre: Is it working?
Rainbow: I do feel less riled
Dre: Ok let's go back to the stables

Baby it's not what it looks like, I just ate too many biscuits. It was an over-the-cover biscuit nap!


Jack: Hey, how come she only visits when Grandpa Pops is in Bermuda?
Zoey: Oh, it's a special game that divorced people play called give me your Lincoln and get out.

Dre: Babe I'm just trying to give you a nudge, help you pave the road.
Zoey: Pave the road? you ran me over.

Dre I have worked too hard and I went to school for too long and I took way too much Affirmative Action money. I mean, I may have even taken a scholarship from a Pacific Islander. Okay I did, but I can easily pass for a Samoan.


No, it's like fresh baked bread on my butt.


Dre: I'm giving you the gift of hunger.
Junior: Does it come with a receipt? Because I'd like to return it.

Diane: Why is there a plastic roof all over the food?
Dre: Baby that's a sneeze guard, it's to protect the food.
Jack: From getting into our mouths?

black-ish Quotes

This ain't our culture, we're black, not African. Africans don't even like us.


Wait, did they just put me in charge of the black stuff?