Oh, I get it. They charge you for all you can eat but put out food no one will eat, maniacal!


I think this cow died of natural causes.


Dre: I found a way to save Halloween.
Rainbow: Oh that's great. I found a way to save a guy that was at the bottom of a pool for twenty minutes, but you go.

I saw the light. My entire life flashed before my eyes. I gotta do more.


The family that pranks together, stays together.


Diane had a nightmare and told me about it, and now I'm more scared than she is.


Halloween has always been my favorite holiday, and not just because it lets me show off my killer decorating skills. What? It doesn't look like a John Woo movie when you decorate for Halloween? Ha, you must not be doing it right. But what I love most about Halloween is a Johnson family tradition I like to call pranking the living crap out of each other.


Whoa, Dad actually did it. I owe Pops fifty bucks!


I told you to spank him not crush his spirit!


Damn Diane I wish I had you when I divorced Grandma, mighta held onto my Lincoln.


Oh really? Oh I see, it takes you two hours to find a little black boy, and then you're here in two seconds when I accidentally steal a clutch? Well you know what? I'm keeping it!


He'd hidden again. It was a game to him. A game we all hated called Jack's missing and may be in a white van with no windows.


black-ish Quotes

This ain't our culture, we're black, not African. Africans don't even like us.


Wait, did they just put me in charge of the black stuff?