I'd give you a hug, but right now my body has the structural integrity of a chocolate souffle.

Jake

• Permalink: I'd give you a hug, but right now my body has the structural integrity of a chocolate souffle.
• Added: April 26, 2015

Terry: Jake! Are you okay!?
Jake: No, Sarge, I got hit by a car!

• Permalink: No, Sarge, I got hit by a car!
• Added: April 26, 2015

Amy: All I wanted to do was impress Captain Holt, and you know what, it didn't matter. It didn't matter that we were late, it didn't matter that I was chill, it didn't matter that the rats ate my salad.
Gina: Oh no, I definitely saw them running away from it.

• Permalink: Oh no, I definitely saw them running away from it.
• Added: April 26, 2015

Holt: Are your bosoms tender?
Rosa: I'm gonna pretend you didn't ask me that.
Holt: Are your senses heightened?
Rosa: I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.

• Permalink: I think I might be pregnant, not bitten by a radioactive spider.
• Added: April 26, 2015

Amy, all your cooking stinks, why would you even get involved with tuna and eggs?

Gina

• Permalink: Amy, all your cooking stinks, why would you even get involved with tuna and eggs?
• Added: April 26, 2015

Terry: You wiped out hard.
Jake: It wasn't so much a wipe out as it was a controlled power fall.

• Permalink: It wasn't so much a wipe out as it was a controlled power fall.
• Added: April 26, 2015

Jake: I wish you hadn't read that Annie Leibowitz book.
Charles: Quit calling it a book! It was a visual journey!

• Permalink: Quit calling it a book! It was a visual journey!
• Added: April 26, 2015