If you don't get out of my face, I'm gonna ram this Thigh Master down your throat.


What about those poor people who are trapped by circumstance? What happens to those who have no choices left?

Mary Alice

I am in a chair, not sure how good I'd be in a fight. This thing tips over in a stiff wind.


Do you feel betrayed, humiliated? Good! Because I only did this to show you what it feels like when the person that's supposed to love you the most lies to you.

Susan [to Mike]

Every time you offer me afternoon sex it's because you want something, and it's not afternoon sex.


Carlos: Whoa!
Gaby: I know, right?

Come on, this is my chance! My aunt had a stroke while driving. When am I gonna get that lucky again?!?


This is my turn to flaunt. And I can't flaunt with a free piano.


Mike: Why is there a big ass piano in our house?
Susan: Actually, Big Ass stopped making pianos. This is a Yamaha.

I always figured the only girl he'd end up with would be blind, deaf or inflatable.

Barbara [on Eddie]

[Lynette] is louder than someone on fire!


I thought maybe for a second that Susan Mayer lady and I might be friends, but then she started talking.