Friends Season 1 Episode 14: "The One with the Candy Hearts" Quotes
Kristin: (About Carol and Susan) Who are they?
Ross: The blond woman is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her... close, personal friend.
Kristin: You mean they're lovers.
Ross: If you wanna put a label on it.
Carol: Uh, I don't think she's in the bathroom. Her coat is gone.
Ross: Well maybe it's cold in there. Or maybe I screwed up the first date I had in nine years.
Monica: Look, here's a picture of Scotty Jared naked.
Rachel: Hey he's wearing a sweater.
Monica: No.
Phoebe: Okay, so now we need, um, sage branches and the sacramental wine.
Monica: All I have is, is oregano and a Fresca.
Chandler: Oh, what a crappy night!
Janice: Although, I have enjoyed the fact that, uh your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper ever since you came back from the bathroom.
Phoebe: Okay. We can, um, we can burn the stuff they gave us.
Rachel: Or?
Phoebe: Or... or we can chant and dance around naked, you know, with sticks.
Monica: Burning's good.
Phoebe: Oh! You know my friend Abby who shaves her head? She said that if you want to break the bad boyfriend cycle, you can do like a cleansing ritual.
Rachel: Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.
Joey: No, no, no, don't! I've been waiting for, like, forever to go out with Lorraine. Just calm down.
Chandler: Calm down? Calm down? You set me up with the woman that I've dumped twice in the last five months!
(To Joey) Okay, now, remember, no trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess.
Chandler
Monica: You can not do this.
Rachel: Do what? Do what?
Monica: Roger wants to take her out tomorrow night.
Rachel: No! Phoebes! Don't you remember why you dumped the guy?
Phoebe: 'Cause he was creepy, and mean, and a little frightening... Alright, still, it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day!
Chandler: How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day?
Joey: I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's.
Chandler: Oh man, in my next life I'm coming back as a toilet brush.
Janice: So do we have the best friends, or what?
Chandler: Joey's not a friend, he's ... a stupid man who left us his credit card. Another drink? Some dessert? A big-screen TV?
