Gilmore Girls Season 2 Episode 20: "Help Wanted" Quotes
Babette: Oh! Rory, Sweety! Hold on there, baby.
Rory: Hey, Babette. Is everything okay?
Babette: I should be asking you that question. Come here. Let me see that arm. Oh, you poor little thing. How you doin', huh?
Rory: I'm doing fine.
Babette: Ah, look at ya' being brave like that after all you've been through. Geeze! It's so hard being a woman! Isn't it?
Rory: I guess.
Babette: I mean you got your morals and your standards and your good common sense and then, BAM! You meet some guy and then all that goes right out the window.
Rory: But...
Babette: For every good woman, there's a dirty little wolf just ready to lead her astray. you can't help it. He's got the eyes, the chin, chest hair you could carpet your dining room with. What's a woman to do? We're not made of steal for God's sakes.
Rory: Babette...
Babette: I was in a cult once. Did I tell you that?
Rory: No!
Babette: I met this guy once, gorgeous, tan, looked just like Mickey Hargitay. We had coffee. He gave me a pamphlet. Next thing you know, I'm wearin' a moomoo playing the tambourine jumping up and down at the airport.
Rory: Okay, I really have to get inside.
Babette: Oh, sure hon, sure. You go take good care of yourself, and don't be embarrassed toots. This has happened to all of us.
(Lane goes into Sophie's Music and is unseen going to the back of the store.)
Kirk: (hands resume to Sophie) That's my home phone number, my cell number, my pager number, and there's a partial list of references.
Sophie: Yeah, okay, I'll hang onto this, but as I said before we just opened so I'm not really looking to hire anybody right now.
Kirk: I am licensed to carry a gun if that will help.
Sophie: (sarcastically) You have no idea how much.
(Lane is looking at some instruments and is just about to touch a guitar.)
Sophie: May I help you?
Lane: Oh no thank you I was just looking.
Sophie: We like the looking. It's the touching we're a little iffy on.
Lane: Actually I was just going to (bumps into a cello)-ooh! That probably would have been considered as touching, wouldn't it?
Sophie: (sighing) Yes.
Lane: (sees a red drum set) Oh my...
Sophie: That's a DW drum set with Zildjian cymbals.
Lane: It's beautiful.
Sophie: You play?
Lane: Oh no, I wish.
Sophie: Sit.
Lane: What?
Sophie: Sit down, see how it feels.
Lane: Oh no, I couldn't.
Sophie: Why? Your legs don't bend?
Lane: No they bend.
Sophie: Okay, if they bend, then bend them.
Lane: Well, okay. (sits down on stool) This is a good stool.
Sophie: Yes, it is. Here. (hands Lane a set of drum sticks) You can't sit down at a drum set without your sticks.
Lane: Right, 'cause that would be stupid.
Sophie: And remember, no touching.
Lane: Right. (pretends to hit the drums without making noise)
Sophie: You look good.
Lane: Thanks.
Sophie: (laughs and leaves)
(Sophie closes and locks the front door as the last customers leave. Lane is still admiring the drum set.)
Sophie: It's after six. We're closed!
Lane: Five more minutes?
Sophie: Nope. Now.
Lane: So...you're from New York, huh?
Sophie: Yes, I am.
Lane: I want to go to New York someday.
Sophie: Good for you.
Lane: Did you like it there?
Sophie: It was alright.
Lane: What part of New York did you live in?
Sophie: Okay, look, what's your name?
Lane: Lane Kim.
Sophie: Very nice to meet you, Lane Kim. Now you have got to get out of here because I am going to close and you are not going to schmooze me into forgetting that I am going to close!
Lane: Wait!
Sophie: What?
Lane: I have to have those drums.
Sophie: Great, cash or credit?
Lane: No, see I have no money. Plus even if I did have money there's no way I could take those home with me because my mother would never stop crying so I have a proposal.
Sophie: Uh-huh...
Lane: Twice a week, on Wednesday and Friday evenings at 6:00 I could come and practice here.
Sophie: (sarcastically) Wow, that sounds great!
Lane: Now I'm not expecting you to let me do this for free or anything because I'll clean or do inventory or stock stuff or whatever it is that you need done.
Sophie: I don't need that much done.
Lane: Well I could do other things also, like...uh, oh hey do you know Korean?
Sophie: No.
Lane: Well then I could teach you.
Sophie: Why would I want to learn Korean?
Lane: Why wouldn't you? I mean it's a great language and being bilingual in this day and age can only be a plus...
Sophie: Please! Go home!
Lane: I can't! I can't go home until you say yes. I have to rock, I have to, please, I am so begging you let me rock.
Sophie: Why Wednesdays and Fridays?
Lane: Because that's when my mom has her Bible group.
Sophie: (sighing) Okay. Let's see what you got.
Lane: Really? Oh my God! Thank you! (goes over to drums) Can I hit them this time?
Sophie: (hands her the drum sticks and smiles) Go ahead.
Lane: Yes! A one-two-three-four! (starts to hit drums)
Sophie: (leaning over and yelling over the noise) I'll be in the back (lowers voice when Lane stops drumming) in case the cops come.
Lane: Oh, hey do you mind turning off the lights on your way out? My mom sometimes walks home this way.
(Sophie nods and turns them off. Outside of the store Rory is walking home from the bus stop and listens to her playing.)
(Lorelai answers the phone at Richard's office)
Lorelai: Gilmore Group, may I help you?
Emily: Yes, Richard Gilmore, please.
Lorelai: (in high-pitched voice) Oh, um, uh, certainly, may I ask who's calling?
Emily: Emily Gilmore.
Lorelai: And does he know what this is about?
Emily: Well, I hope so, I'm his wife.
Lorelai: (giggles) Oh, but Richard didn't say anything about being married.
Emily: What!
Lorelai: (back in normal voice) Mom, relax, it's me.
Emily: Lorelai?
Lorelai: Yes.
Emily: Well, you're crude and unprofessional.
Lorelai: Well, I'd like that on my tombstone, please.
How am I gonna fit my three sugars into Barbie's Malibu Dream Cup here?
Lorelai
Lorelai: There are like fifty tables open.
Rory: You're exaggerating.
Lorelai: (pointing at tables) One, two, three, four, fifty! I am not!
Rory: You know, there will be food there.
Lorelai: Finger food, aka snooty little balls of attitude!
Rory: Oh boy.
Lorelai: I need real food, peasant food, hearty bread, meat, cheese, little pickle chips, sauce, a special sauce. This is the food that sustains me, this is the food of my...
Rory: Oh my God, just eat the burger already!
Lorelai: How crabby!
Rory: I'm not crabby.
Lorelai: I didn't even get through my special sauce speech. That's crabby.
Lorelai: We should be eating, I'm hungry! Don't they want us eating? Isn't that what the point of the Hungry Diner is, to feed the hungry diner? Or is the point of the Hungry Diner to keep the diner hungry, in which case they should call it the Eternally Hungry Diner cuz you're not gonna get any food here, loser!
Rory: That would be quite a sign.
Lorelai: Look, I'm giving these paper-topped turkeyheads 3 seconds to seat us, or I swear I'm gonna start...
Waitress: Two?
Lorelai: Yes, please!
Rory: You're gonna what?
Lorelai: What?
Rory: You said you were gonna do something if somebody didn't seat us in 3 seconds
Lorelai: I did?
Rory: Yes, you did. And then the waitress came and you never finished saying what you were gonna do.
Lorelai: Honey, we've gotta get some food into you, you're imagining things!
Rory: What were you gonna do?
Lorelai: Shh, you're getting screwy!
Rory: Mom!
Lorelai: Mom? I'm not your mom, do you need help little girl?
Rory: Oh my God!
Lorelai: Look, I was upset, he was upset, we had a thing, it's over, everything's fine.
Rory: A thing?
Lorelai: A thinglet, if you will.
Rory: You and Luke don't have thinglets very often.
Lorelai: You look like you're tilting. Are you tilting?
Rory: I'm not tilting.
Lorelai: I think you're tilting. Here, let me balance a pen on your head and make sure.
Rory: Ok, see this is not how you console the injured.
Lorelai: You're right. Sorry.
I'm sorry, but when my daughter comes home broken, I get to hate the person who broke her. That's the way it works. Jess is gone, and I get to hate him forever!
Lorelai
