Oh, here we go, because in Colombia we trip over goats and we kill people in the street! Do you know how offensive that is? Like we're Peruvians!

Gloria

Phil: I am completely on board your mother's horse and buggy to yesteryear. For the next week, I may as well be Amish. Jebediah Dunphy: Raisin' barns, witnessin' murders, making electric-fireplace hearths.

Gloria: I took him to a farm where he has plenty of room to run.
Jay: That's the second thing they say when something's dead.

Don't skimp on linens. Don't compliment a teacher on her figure. And when it comes to my mom, never ask questions I don't want the answers to.

Manny

I don't get how one dog keeps you awake when you grew up sleeping through cockfights and revolutions.

Jay [to Glorida]

Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.

Cam

Don't take this the wrong way, but I have almost no faith in you.

Claire

Jay: Don't most kids drink soda?
Manny: Who knows what they do?

Disabled inter-racial lesbians? With an African-American kicker? I did not see that coming.

Cam

She's always had a certain comfort level with... killing.

Jay [on Gloria]

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

Modern Family Season 2 Episode 5 Quotes

Mitchell: She wants us to buy Lily a Blackberry.
Cam: She doesn't have the dexterity for that!

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell