Mrs. Burble: Are you jealous of your sister?
Veronica: Absolutely not! She can have him; they deserve each other.
Mrs. Burble: Yet, I’m sensing animosity?
Veronica: Sensing?! I despise that man! I want nothing to do with him.
Mrs. Burble: But you willing live at home.
Veronica: Well, yes, but…
Mrs. Burble: You obediently come when he calls you. Veronica, I don’t think this is hate, it’s obsession. You and your father are obsessed with each other.
Veronica: You’re diagnosing me with daddy issues? How very “Intro to Psych”.

Mrs. Burble: Doesn’t that resonate with you? Because everything that you’ve told me feels like it could be fueled by grief-induced anger.
Archie: Like I said, Mrs. Burble. I’m just trying to help.
Mrs. Burble: But to do it safely, we just have to acknowledge and work on the anger…
[Archie gets up]
Archie: WHY?! I know I’m anger, Mrs. Burble! I’m not an idiot. Look at all the crappy things that have happened to me, to my friends, to my dad. They make me angry. You … talking to me like I’m a moron, that makes me angry.
Mrs. Burble: Understandably.
Archie: And it hurts. I hurt all the time. And all I want to do is make sure no one else does, but I’ve screwed it up.

Jughead: Maybe I should put down the conspiracy theories and do the homework? You’re underpaid, aren’t you?
Mrs. Burble: And overqualified. Which means I don’t expect anyone to change habits overnight. If you’re going to see this mystery about the Baxter Brothers authorship through, don’t fall back on conjecture or righteous anger. Do the work. You know, investigate.

Mrs. Burble: Ms. Smith, Betty’s education, her relationship, her behavior, I think those thinks make you afraid. Afraid that Betty is growing; that may even be why you gave away her college money. Because if you can control her, you can hold onto her childhood just a little bit longer. Does that sound about right?
Alice: It’s just I’ve already lost two children. First Charles, then Polly, and now Betty. Growing up, leaving for college, moving out, moving on … it just feels like I’m losing you too.
Betty: Mom, that’s what happens. Kids grow up and they leave; I can’t be your only hope.
Alice: But I love you.
Betty: I love you too, but that’s not an apology. That does not justify the horrible, unhealthy things that you have done. How you keep suffocating me. And why me? Why are you doing these things to me?
Alice: Because I love you.
Betty: But you love Polly too! She’s in an asylum. She needs you; she needs your help. So, why can’t you do this to her?
Alice: Because I love you more! I love you most!
[Alice is shocked and runs away from the therapy session]

Mary: Archie, yesterday was without a doubt the strangest Thanksgiving I have ever had. I mean, I pointed a gun at a woman!
Archie: Welcome to Riverdale, Mom.

FP: I can’t live my life doing Hiram’s bidding, Alice. I’m not cut out for it. There’s too much blood on the tracks.
Alice: I hear you.
FP: I am a Serpent, Alice. I am a Serpent! Every bone in my body is a Serpent.
Alice: Okay, is there a rule that says you can’t be both?
FP: That’s not bad. If Hiram can be mayor and a kingpin, who says that I can’t be sheriff and a gang leader?
[He kisses her]

Jughead: That’s strike three, nowhere is going to be delivering through this ice storm. How about I just raid the vending machine?
Betty: Yes, I can finally live out my Charlie Brown fantasy of having junk food for Thanksgiving dinner. Yes! [Smacks bed!] Okay, I will have Stonewall’s finest chocolate chip cookies, chips, soda, and candies, please.
[Jughead slides off the bed]
Betty: Get yourself something too!

Cheryl: We Blossoms have always been highly carnivorous. I mean, I ate my brother Julian in the womb. And, you’re eating those meat pies we prepared especially for you.
[Fester crunches and hits something]
Cousin Fester: Oh, my tooth. What on earth?
[Fester pulls a ring from his mouth]
Aunt Cricket: What?
Cousin Fester: Is this Uncle Bedford’s ring?!
Aunt Cricket: What does this mean?
Cheryl: It means, Aunt Cricket, that you’re welcome to search the house. It means that Uncle Bedford will never be found. It means that any evidence of him ever being here is in the process of being … digested. In other words, I think you know what it means.

Archie: What do you want? You want to fight me?
Dodger: Sure … but don’t you need to put your mask on first?
Archie: What are you talking about?
[Archie hesitates. Dodger turns to his crew]
Dodger: See, I told you! I told he’s that guy in the mask, the one making trouble for all of us. Aren’t you?
Archie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Dodger: I think you do. I think you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Chic: Hi, how did it all go?
Charles: Smooth as cream, babe. FP led me right to where he buried the body. He moved what was left and everyone was appropriately grateful.
Chic: Even Betty?
Charles: Even Betty.
Chic: That’s great.
[Both place their hands on the prison glass]
Chic: I love you, babe.
Charles: I love you too.

Cheryl: What … what are you all doing here?
Penelope: Julian needs a body, Cheryl. So, we’re giving him yours!
[Cheryl screams]

Hiram: I want to come home.
Hermione: You don’t live here anymore. Just … stop. Veronica and I are finally free of you.
Hiram: Is that what freedom looks like? Playing hostess at a teenager’s gin joint.
[Hiram takes off his shirt]
Hiram: Let me back in. You won’t have to work another day ever again. You’ll be my wife again.
Hermione: Over my dead body.
Hiram: That can be arranged.
[Hermione slaps Hiram]
Hiram: Was that foreplay or punishment?

Riverdale Quotes

Kevin: Okay, Veronica, I’m obsessed with everything that just happened.
Veronica: Thank you! It helps to be off-book and in full costume.
Betty: Don’t be so modest, you are the literally embodiment of Chris. Never has a role been perfectly typecast.
Archie: Betty!
Veronica: What was that, Betty?
Betty: I mean think about it: Spoiled rich girl, check. Major daddy issues, check. Bad to the bone, trying to control everyone around her, including her boyfriend and best friend. Check, check, check.

Veronica: What the hell is a "Sticky Maple"?
Kevin: It's kinda what it sounds like. It's a Riverdale thing.
Veronica: No, Kevin, it's a slut-shaming thing. And I'm neither a slut nor am I going to be shamed by someone named, excuse me, Chuck Clayton! Does he really think he can get away with this? Does he not know who I am?! I will cut the brakes on his supped-up phallic symbol.