I just found out I hate my mother which is really weird because I love my mother.Crystal
Jackie: What brings you to the kitchen?
Darlene: I was following a rainbow.
It's not babysitting when they're yours!
I'm gonna give your back a reason to flare up.
Jackie: Is that the hotel?
Dan: No. It's the ham people.
If I was taking handfuls of these pills I'd be in a way better mood. Have you noticed me in a way better mood?
DJ: Do you guys get points on your credit card?
Roseanne: We get threats. Is that the same thing?
Pipe down everyone. Forrest Gump's talking.Darlene
Roseanne: This is our 45th anniversary and I get to talk.
Dan: She's finally coming out of her shell everybody.
Margarita on the house for the old married couple.Becky
Sometimes you just gotta suck it up and put your family first.Dan
I gotta be honest Darlene. I don't know how you can pass on a job with full benefits.Dan