Roseanne: Kinda scary talking to your old granny, huh?
Mark: I'm not afraid of you.
Roseanne: Give it time.

Roseanne: So what's up with the girls clothes?
Mark: This just feels like me. I like colors that pop. It's more creative.

I'll take little Braveheart.

Mark: What's for breakfast?
Dan: You better carbo load. I gotta feeling today's gonna be more of a marathon than a sprint.

Dan: I'm totally find with gay. My daughter's gay!
Darlene: Not gay!

  • Permalink: Not gay!
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Darlene, God did not give me this big of head to have a narrow mind.


Jackie: When I'm home alone sometimes I like to light a few candles, and put on some Prince, and dance in front of the mirror wearing men's boxers, and an old fishing hat.
Darlene: You can get off my side now.

Jackie: You know, as a life coach.
Roseanne: This may be a great time to grab a snack or pee in the yard.

He gets good grades. He's happy, for a Conner. That's all I really care about.


Dan: Darlene, you talked to Mark about wearing that outfit to school, right? He's gonna get beat up sure as hell.
Darlene: He'll be fine. He wore stuff like that all the time in Chicago.
Roseanne: The musical?

Your father and I had a lunchables party in the middle of the night. You get up to use the bathroom, you end up having another dinner.

Darlene: I miss when you guys were at the same school so you could keep an eye on him.
Harris: I was supposed to keep an eye on him?

Roseanne Quotes

Dan: Candyman's home babe.
Roseanne: Oh, my favorite, drugs! What happened to the rest of our candy?
Dan: Funny story. Our insurance don't cover what it use to so I got the drugs for twice the price.

Roseanne: Dan! Dan!
Dan: What? What happened?
Roseanne: I thought you were dead!
Dan: I'm sleeping! Why does everybody always think I'm dead?
Roseanne: You looked happy. I thought maybe you moved on.