J.D.: It was barely even a kiss dude; it was like an accidental lip bump, like oops.
Turk: WHOOAAA! Don't even look at her. Sit on the floor.
J.D.: Sitting.
Carla: Fine, I'll show you with Elliot.
Cut to cafeteria
Todd: Something wonderful is happening.

Dr. Cox: Ah damn it Jordan, come on. Now you know I'm generally OK with you putting any poison you want into your body, but this is the first time I've ever won anything!
Jordan: It's not that bad.
Dr. Cox: Reeeaaally? Show me happy...
Jordan's face is motion-less.
Dr. Cox: Sad...
Again, Jordan's face doesn't move.
Dr. Cox: Silly...
Still nothing
Dr. Cox: Amused, bemused, c-mused...
Still nothing.
Dr. Cox: Show me angry.
Jordan puts a swift knee to his testicles.
Dr. Cox: AARRGGHH! Got angry down.

Dr. Cox: I'm hearing the hate but I'm not seeing the hate. You... Oh my God! Did you Botox you face into an expressionless mask?
Jordan: Pedro called me ma'am.

Dr. Cox: Oh hey there wait 'til you get a load of this, they're giving me a teaching award tonight so I'm gonna need you to go ahead and holster up 'the twins' as you'll be playing the role of "arm-candy".
Jordan: Yeah, I'm not going. If I wanna hear someone go on & on about how great you are, I'll just listen to you during sex.

Dr. Kelso: You know I could look at the demented crayon scratchings of a madman all day, but I got a hospital to run. Did you wax over there yet?
Janitor: No sir... I'll get a new uniform or I'll wax everything in your WORLD!

Janitor: Dr. Kelso, while I got you here, I need to discuss a hospital matter of grave importance.
Dr. Kelso: What is it?
Janitor: I'm not happy with my uniform.

Was it a comfortable silence? No. And I'm going to be the one who breaks it. Unfortunately I have one of Rowdy's hairs in my mouth... uh-oh!

J.D.'s Narration

How is it that no man understands that every woman, whether shes 16 or 60, still has that awkward, insecure, self-conscious teenage girl inside of her?


J.D.: Hey, guys, I know we talked about this before but, I'm moving out.
Carla: Really?
J.D.: Man, you guys need your space.
Turk: Wow, thanks man.
J.D.: You're gonna miss me though.
Elliot: Hey, you could turn his room into a gym.
Turk: We ain't putting no gym in my media room.
Carla: Whose media room?
Turk: OUR media room!

Okay, how about this one? Three blue-jays fly into a bar and they say, "we just want to wet out beaks". Ha, ha, ha... no?


J.D.: Dude, who do you think you're talking to, you think you've been the world's greatest husband? Please, I was there when you were flirting with your ex-girlfriend and neglected to tell her you were married. I was there when you tried to hook up with that waitress, the day before you got engaged. And I was definitely there when you hooked up with that nasty ass stripper at "Boobies, Boobies, Boobies".
Turk: That wasn't me that was you!
J.D.: I know, but I told her my name was Turk.

You're absolutely right. It's my fault you kissed my wife.


Scrubs Season 4 Episode 22 Quotes

J.D.: Look the point is, think of the millions of times you chose to not to hang out with your wife, 'cause you were trying to hang out with me. You know, maybe it's time you started acting like a real husband, instead of acting like some sort of crazy... cowboy.
Turk: A cowboy?
J.D.: I don't know, it just came to me.

Look here, I was thinking maybe, maybe you'd rather just stay in tonight. You know have some pizza watch, watch some movies, what do you say?... Are you trying to smile?

Dr. Cox