You know Lindsay when I was 15 I cut my own bangs... Oh that's right, Percival; it's a high-school hair story. Anyway, Judy Keenan told me that she would also cut her hair off; it was like a suicide-pact, only with bangs. I cut off my hair and, of course, she backed out. But even though my bangs looked horrible, I kept them that way. Mostly because those stupid bangs were the only thing in my life that I felt I had control over, you know?


I got to think about relationships, about how people fall in love...have kids...grow old together...and say good bye...and then for some reason I thought about the circus...but then I was back on relationships...

J.D.'s narration

I got three words for you; sucks to be, adding a fourth, you!


Sooooo Linz-o, ha h-it must be kind of cool having the same name as that Lindsay Lohan. Gosh, she's super-cool. Just between you, me and the I.V. I guess I've probably seen "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" oh, I don't know, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8-9 times ha h- what a film. Whew!

Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: I need your help.
Elliot: Fine, but I have three rules. One, when we're in the room you say nothing. Two, I get to say whatever I want about you. And three, if you break rule 1 or 2, I get to boing your curls.
Dr.Cox: What the hell does boing mean?
(Elliot pulls one of his curls and lets it go)
Elliot: Boingggggg.
Dr.Cox: (to himself)Oh god this is gonna kill me.

J.D.: I'm telling you, dude, she was all over me. Like ants on candy.
Carla: You think you're talking to Turk, don't you?

J.D.: But hey, thanks for taking the hit on this one.
Carla: Me? Na-a na-a, you're his best friend, all you have to do is say "I'm sorry", high-five him & go "DAAAAHHHHH!"
J.D.: Oh, but all you have to do is have sex with him & he'll forgive you. If I have sex with him he'll probably end up madder.

J.D.: Don't worry, this'll all be fine. You know Turk, I mean, whomever he blames will get the silent treatment for a couple of days, then he'll make snarky comments for a few months and then, sooner or later, he'll be laughing about the whole thing. It's just like the time I slept with his family's cleaning lady.
Carla: You slept with Tuni?
J.D.: I was staying in their guest-room & she was buffing the nightstand and she just kept on buffing.

Feel free to take notes. Alright there, Blossom, here's the hot gossip. You're having seizures again because you're not taking your medication. If this continues, you will be dead... and I'm not talking about the "oh my God, if I don't get invited to the prom I'm going to die" type of dead I'm talking, dead dead. Is that clear enough for you? Because if it's not I could of course text you on my Blackberry, or my Blueberry or my Chuck Berry, although technically Chuck Berry is a black berry.

Dr. Cox

Nurse: Looking good, Janitor.
Janitor: Well thank you, petite-lady.
Todd: Wow, that color really brings out your package.
Janitor: Thank you, supposedly-straight surgeon.

Elliot: I don't understand why you're butting in on my patients, you know outside of your usual arrogance and God complex.
Dr. Cox: I don't know what you're talking about. Kiss my ring.

Turk: What about you Carla, did you like it?
Carla: No! His lips are chappy.
J.D.: I can't use lip-balm; I always end up eating it. When I was little I used to spread it on crackers.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 22 Quotes

J.D.: Look the point is, think of the millions of times you chose to not to hang out with your wife, 'cause you were trying to hang out with me. You know, maybe it's time you started acting like a real husband, instead of acting like some sort of crazy... cowboy.
Turk: A cowboy?
J.D.: I don't know, it just came to me.

Look here, I was thinking maybe, maybe you'd rather just stay in tonight. You know have some pizza watch, watch some movies, what do you say?... Are you trying to smile?

Dr. Cox