Scrubs Season 4 Episode 6: "My Cake" Quotes
J.D.: What happened?
Dan: What? A guy can't take three days off work, travel eight hundred miles on a bus with a double-layer fudge cake just to say "Hey, how're things"?
(Very long pause)
Dan: Dad died.
J.D.: What do you want me to talk about? The pros and cons of blitzing a weak-side quarter when you're in third-and-long situations?
J.D.'s narration: Thank you "Football for Dummies".
Dr. Cox: Let's break down the kid's support system, shall we? He has me, an emotionally-crippled narcissist; and, he's got you, an emotionally-crippled narcissist who's soaking in a tub which by now has to be mostly your own urine.
Dan: I believe the ratio has shifted that way, yes.
Dr. Kelso: He's not a day over fifty-five and he has Alzheimer's. Really makes you think, doesn't it?
Janitor: You're over fifty-five, aren't you sir?
Dr. Kelso: What's your point?
Ted: Look, Mr. Cannon, let's drop the forgetful act. Now, if you don't sign these papers, this hospital will discharge you, and then we'll see what you do and do not remember!
Dr. Kelso: The man has Alzheimer's, bozo.
J.D.: Hey Dan, if dad were here, what would you say to him?
J.D.: I think he'd be glad to hear that.
Turk: I need to pee.
Carla: Don't you think it's weird you've already gone seven times today?
Turk: I think it's weird you're counting.
Turk: Sorry I had to blow outta there after the funeral, but how was the rest of the week.
J.D.: It was alright, we spent most of the time trying to deal with the headstone problem. See, since dad was an office supply salesman, he wanted it to be shaped like a pencil.
Dan: So, it looked like a giant marble penis. Which I maintain, dad would have liked even more.
Dr. Cox: What do you want me to do, anyway?
Elliot: Be more sensitive. Try giving him a hug.
Dr. Cox: Barbie... you've met me before, yes? Now, at most, I can muster one hug a year, and nine months ago I hugged my son, so: you're gonna have to do it.
Elliot: Um, you saw us before, we're still awkward from the break-up.
Dr. Cox: H-Hold the phone: are you suggesting that if I sleep with him, that I won't have to deal with problems like this? Because I'm seriously considering taking that hit. I mean, honestly, what is he like in post-game? Is there spooning? Because I don't spoon, I'm not a spooner.
Elliot: What are you going to do, hide from him all day and then call him "Ginger"?
Dr. Cox: No. It's Monday, which of course means it's Ethnic Day, so I'll be going with Rosalita, and besides, I have a plan.
Elliot: Which is?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, unfortunately, the first part of the plan is not to share it with people who annoy me. Want to hear the second part?
Dr. Cox: I can't. My hands are tied by the first part.
Carla: You're not allowed to get sick, you're my "Superman". I mean, if you're in bed, who's going to give me my back rubs, or unscrew the peanut butter jar, or...walk around all day in my new high heels just to stretch them out.
Turk: (Quickly, to Molly) She's kidding! I've never done that.(Quietly, to Carla) Not in front of the Devil Woman.
Molly: I got a new pair of pumps.
J.D.'s Narration: Maybe it was because I finally slowed down, maybe it was remembering Dad's passion for bodily functions, I don't know. But at that moment, it all hit me. Unfortunately, I'm not sure Dan's the guy to talk about it with.
Dan(to bath duck): Slow down, little duck. Some ducks can't hold their water. (he laughs a bit, then sobs) It's okay. I know.