Dr. Kelso: Dr. Clock, do you have a minute?
Molly: Sure. I was just talking to Dr. Bromberg about switching shifts so that I can go to Mexico for my mom's wedding. I am so psyched! She is getting married to this guy that has been like a father to me since I was this big. Actually, maybe I was this big... How tall was I in fourth grade?
Dr. Kelso: It's a mystery!

Carla: You want a cookie?
J.D.'s Narration: Turk's blood sugar was low because he has Type II diabetes and hasn't figured out his medication yet.
J.D.: Mmmmm, Mulattos.
Carla: They're Milanos, you idiot.
J.D.: I always thought that was a little bigoted for a cookie.

Dan: I was in a dark place and she saved me, she really did. Haven't felt this good since my dad died.
J.D.: Our dad.
Dan: Right.

J.D.'s Narration: The key to sleeping in the on-call room is to block out the noises around you like snoring, teeth-grinding, or even... on-call room nookie. Hello, my old friend, how I've missed you.
Woman: Mmm, that feels good.
J.D.'s Narration: Yes, it does.
Man: Ohh, yeah.
J.D.'s Narration: Time out, male moaning! Party's over!

Oh, hellooo. Women are checking me out lately. Was it the ten push-ups I've been cranking out every other Sunday? Perhaps.

J.D.'s Narration

Elliot: You doing okay?
Dan: I am now. You know, without Elliot, I never woulda gotten through my dad's death.
J.D.: Our dad's death.
Dan: Right.

Dr. Kelso: Oh, Dr. Clock. Uh, look, I'm afraid I wasn't being honest with you before. In my job, it seems like I'm always the bad guy. Hard as this is to admit, it gets to me sometimes. The point is, the antidepressants I asked you to prescribe weren't for my wife, they were for me.
Molly: Oh, I understand. So what dosage are you on?
Dr. Kelso: About half a Newton?
Molly: No dice.

Carla: Sir. Sir? It is not your job to collect money from patients!
Dr. Kelso: I know, but I just fired the woman who usually does it.
Carla: You fired Glenda? Why?
Flashback
Glenda: Oh, how precious! Mind if I hold him?
Father: Go right ahead.
Glenda: Oh. Aww.
She bolts with the baby
Glenda: I FINALLY GOT A BABY!
End Flashback
Dr. Kelso: She was stealing from the hospital.

J.D.: Listen, Dan-
Dan: J.D., let me explain. I came to the hospital to see you, and then I ran into Elliot and it just happened. It was a one-time thing.
J.D.: I'm okay with it.
Dan: Great, 'cause it's been going on for a few weeks.

Dan: Hey, mind if I join you guys?
Dr. Cox: I think the question you should be asking is, "Mind if I diddle your ex?" Oh, and just a great big congratulations on your on-going streak of being the world's worst older brother!
Dan: Thanks, Coxy!

Molly: Perry, no one is pure evil. I mean, yes, everyone has a hard outer shell, but inside everybody has a creamy center...
Dr. Cox: There are plenty of people here on this particular planet that are hard on the out side and hard on the inside...
Molly: So they have like more nougatier center?
Dr. Cox: Lady, people aren't chocolates, do you know what they are mostly? Bastards...bastard coded bastards with bastard fillings, but I don't find them half as annoying as I find naive bubble headed optimists who walk around vomiting sunshine...
Molly: (Holds Dr. Cox's stomach and tells him with a big smile) I'm touching your creamy center!
Dr. Cox: Ooh...I am so very angry...that I'm going to find someone to kill just to prove her wrong.

J.D.: Dammit! Brain Freeze is too hard. I knew I should've gone for Funny Bone.
Turk: Step aside! Ahh!
J.D.'s Narration: One thing I've learned is to never play Operation against a surgeon for money.
Turk: Eight seconds! Is that a new record, baby?
Carla: That depends, what are we talking about?

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 7 Quotes

Dr. Cox: I hate you, Bob.
Dr. Kelso: Same times a thousand, big guy.

Dan: Well, goodnight, little bro.
J.D.: Oh, goodnight, Dan. Sleep tight. There's a bus schedule underneath your pillow.