J.D.: Friday's my birthday! I've already e-vited everyone to a party at our place.
Carla: Whose place?
J.D.: Your place. Look, I can't just un-e-vite everyone - I've already got two e-yeses and twenty-four e-maybes. That's a lot of e-sponses.
Carla: Bambi, I'm gonna put my e-foot up your ass.

How could you have never slept naked on a hammock?
J.D. I'm afraid of dragonflies.

Turk

Dr. Cox: Hypnosis is for birthday parties and bad Vegas lounges. Now, you go tell your patient to let you do what you do best: Knock her out, and then start digging around inside of her like a blind man looking for a nickel.

J.D.: Hey! Remember when we were in college and we made lists of all the stuff we wanted to do by the time we turned thirty?
Turk: Yeah!
J.D.: Check it!
Turk: "Things to do by thirty: Get married. Buy a house. Learn difference between senator and congressman." Dude, you haven't done any of these yet.

Elliot: We have a very complicated past.
J.D.: Yeah, I hurt her, and I'm not proud.
J.D.'s narration: I'm a little proud.

J.D.'s narration: Since I was currently homeless, Turk and Carla were letting me crash here as long as I needed.
Carla: J.D., you have to get out. This place is tiny! And I'm sick of seeing your man-panties hangin' all over the bathroom.
J.D.: They're called boxers, Carla.
Carla: They're satin, J.D.?
J.D.: With a breathable cotton crotch panel!

Carla: If money is so tight, why not have Jake move in with you?
Jordan: Who's Jake?
Dr. Cox: Jordan! ...No!
Elliot: He's this guy that I've been going out with for a while, but we're not ready to move in. He's a little closed-off, you know?
Jordan: Uh, sweetie, are you aware of who I live with?

Turk: Okay... I'm gonna go with Dr. Cox on this one.
Dr. Cox: That's a rookie move, and you hate to see it. You always side with the wife - even if she's got a full-blown case of the crazies.

Turk: My appendectomy patient wants me to use hypnosis instead of anesthesia.
Dr. Cox: Lookit, I'd like to throw it in Gwen Stefani tonight instead of Jordan, but that ain't gonna happen either.

Mrs. Appendectomy: Look, fifteen percent of all surgical complications are anesthesia-related, so I would like to use hypnosis instead of the traditional anesthesia.
Turk: Well, I'd like to sleep with Beyonc instead of my wife tonight, but that ain't happening either, you know what I'm saying!?

Jordan "Godzilla" Sullivan! You stop that, and you stop that now!

Dr. Cox

Or maybe you could pressure him, get dumped, throw on 50 pounds, start collecting knic-knacks and meet your future now...you know...before the loneliness burns too much!

Dr. Cox

Scrubs Season 5 Episode 3 Quotes

Elliot: Why don't you just move into my place?
J.D.: Oh, great, then we'll be two losers under one roof.

As for me, I could overcome any obstacle, as long as I had Elliot and her ridiculously strong thighs beneath me.

J.D.'s Narration