Ricky: I know you're stealing trays. Stop it.
Janitor: Buzz off.

Dr. Wen: Christopher. I heard you were sweating the rankings.
Turk: No! I'm married and trying to have a baby. Not having a job would be a big boost for me.

Needle: Excuse me nurse. How about a poke!
Carla: I have a husband! Ok. And he's big and he's black and-
Turk: Baby, Baby! It's me. But I do love that you go to that "big and black" stuff.
Carla: I can't wait to bear the fruit of your loins.

Dr. Cox: What the hell happened to the days when you used to listen to me?
J.D.: That was a long time ago. Maybe you should listen to me for once.
Dr. Cox: Not in this lifetime. Listen, Newbie, You're not a completely, terribly, horribly incompetent doctor, and while I would never let any of my blood relatives be your patient, and if it was someone that I knew - an acquaintance - I might be okay with you treating them.

If it weren't for your hair, I don't think I'd be remotely interested in you.


Carla: Hey you know wha- More armour?
Janitor: No, actually I'm uh, sneaking trays out of the cafeteria... I'm building a shed.

Carla: Kelso's gonna kill me. I can't find Mr. Sommers.
Janitor: Did you look between Mr. Spring and Mr. Fall? Ha ha, too easy.

Turk: I mean, how could I be fourth?! I know Bonnie's good and Figsack has mad hands, but somehow I keep forgetting that Todd is a skilled surgeon.
Todd: Hey, how come you didn't page me about that surgical consult?
Elliot: I did. You're wearing your garage door opener on your hip.
Turk: Ladies and gentlemen... number 2!

Dr. Cox: Are you ready to run the extra mile?
J.D.'s Narration: You can't let him know that you don't want to do this. Meet his gaze... meet it twice as hard...
Nurse: Dr. Dorian we need you. Mr. Bentley's condition is getting worse.
J.D.'s Narration: God bless his herpes!

I can't believe you all shaved your heads. How great, even Nana. And you don't look creepy or alien-like at all.


Carla: Ow! What, are you wearing a cup?
Janitor: Well, people try to hit me there more than you think.

So, you've all banded together. I honestly never thought I'd see the day when we would pick the three surgeons who care for the people of this great hospital based solely on merit.

Dr. Kelso

Scrubs Season 5 Episode 15 Quotes

Turk: Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.
J.D.: Oh, that's Nana.

Patient: Sister Blanche. I've got a little birthday remembrance for you.
Dr. Cox: Oh. Have you, Stanley. I wasn't expecting any.
Patient: I hope you like it. You're hating this aren't you?
Dr. Cox: No, it's not that at all. It's just that I don't believe for a second that you really want me to leave. You gotta feel it. You gotta get involved. What do you-What do you people say, 'let's take it from the top'?