J.D.: Sometimes you've got to go the extra mile with patients. That's what makes me such a special doctor.
Dr. Cox: That and your amazing ability to switch back and forth, seamlessly, between male and female genitalia.

J.D.: Why don't you just read lines with the old guy?
Dr. Cox: My job is to make sick people better. Not to help Bernie in there score a slice of Episcopalian tail on opening night.

Dr. Cox: Ok, the uh, antibiotics have brought your fever down. Is there anything else I can do for you?
Patient: Yeah, I'm auditioning for my church's senior citizen production of Street Car Named Desire. Would you mind running lines with me?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I'd be happy to.
Patient: If I didn't know you was my wife's sister, I'd get ideas about you.
Dr. Cox: I can't believe you think... I would do this with you... Seriously, I'm a doctor.
Patient: What page are you on?

I swear. If you don't knock me up tonight...no more sex until you steal me a baby. So do it right this time.

Carla

Carla: He is not allowed to dream about me. It gets too freaky in there.
Turk: Cirque de Soleil freaky. One time, she was skinless.

Get a load of Mr Extra Mile Guy's leukaemia patient, sitting in there all by herself. Knowing him, he's probably out getting her a cake, shaped like a cancerous white blood cell.

Dr. Cox

Marston: How often do you make love?
Turk: Twice today.
Carla: Actually it was three times. You were asleep for the last one.
Turk: Wow, that really happened? I thought it was weird that you were in one of my sex dreams.

Janitor: Well the good news is his head isn't in the storage room. 'Cause I once found a head in the storage room. Funny story actually; I put it in my locker 'cause I didn't have time to go to lost and found, went on a long week and forgot all about it. Come back to work on monday, open my locker, WAH, head. Plus, rats. I panicked 'cause I didn't know what to do, so I grabbed the thing and ran up to the roof, and I punt it, and I shank it wide left like I always do. Now, it's heading straight down right for Kelso sitting in his convertable. I'm done. I'm out of a job right? Wrong! At that second a hawk flies in, grabs the thing, and flies off with it. And I know what you're thinking; we're in the middle of a city. What's a hawk doing there?
Carla: I can't believe you get a locker and I don't.

Scrubs Season 5 Episode 15 Quotes

Turk: Dude, there you are. Two things; First, the aliens are here and they're wearing track suits.
J.D.: Oh, that's Nana.

Patient: Sister Blanche. I've got a little birthday remembrance for you.
Dr. Cox: Oh. Have you, Stanley. I wasn't expecting any.
Patient: I hope you like it. You're hating this aren't you?
Dr. Cox: No, it's not that at all. It's just that I don't believe for a second that you really want me to leave. You gotta feel it. You gotta get involved. What do you-What do you people say, 'let's take it from the top'?