Carla: Turk! What is Rowdy doing in my closet?
Turk: He's guarding your shoes, baby!
Carla: He almost gave me a heart attack!
Turk: Baby, could you do me a favor and not hold him by the haunches like that? Yeah, he has hip dysplasia.
J.D.: He's a pure-bred - it's genetic.

J.D.'s Narration: Being the new doctor at a hospital can be difficult. That's why it's always nice when someone takes the time to reach out and befriend you.
Doctor: Hey! I'm Ron, I'm a new doctor here.
J.D.: Yeah, Ron, the I Don't Care ward's down there.

Dr. Cox, I want to thank you for that "everyone's a murderer" speech. Nice scare tactic. Unfortunately, my residents have stopped eating.

J.D.

Turk: Wow, isn't that a shocker, you don't care about something that's important to me. You know what? Why don't you just throw him out?
J.D.: Don't listen to him! He's drunk on cheese!

So anyway, after Dr. Cox scared them, no one wanted pizza or punch. Except for Doug, who'd worked up a hearty appetite neglecting Mrs. Samson into a coma.

J.D.

Elliot: Hey, do you wanna go down to Little Tokyo and do karaoke with me tonight?
Molly: Do people with trichotillomania compulsively pull their hair out?
Elliot: Do they?
Molly: Yeah!
Elliot: Cool. 'Cause inviting you to karaoke is kind of a big deal to me. I'm a little shy about my "-aoke." Heh.
Molly: I'm sure you have nothing to be embarrassed about.
Elliot: Oh, I don't know. I'm pretty tone-deaf. And I do these, like, kick moves that I don't think people really get. Plus I sometimes wear a cape. Eh! It's probably all in my head.
J.D.'s Narration: It's not.

Janitor: I can clean it for you.
Carla: Why would you do that?
Janitor: I don't know.... Still a little drunk from breakfast. Plus, taxidermy used to be kind a...hobby of mine. You know, till the state took my license away.

J.D.: Heaven's a diner?
Mrs. Tanner: Get anything you want, dear.
J.D.: Ooh! Maybe I'll have some flapjacks!
Elaine: They don't have those.
J.D.: No flapjacks in heaven!?! Are flapjacks evil?

Elliot: And any drug use?
Mr. Phillips: Been on and off heroin for the last eight years, but I've been clean for the last six months. See? Look, no track marks.
Kid: Way to go, daddy!
Mr. Phillips: 'S my biggest fan!
Elliot: Heh. Umm... Do you smoke cigarettes?
Mr. Phillips: No way.
Elliot: Of course not. Those things'll kill ya.

Elliot: And, Mr. Phillips, do you exercise?
Mr. Phillips: Yoga every morning.
Elliot: Ugh, I can't do yoga - all that deep breathing. I hate breathing. Except, you know, to live.

Elliot: I don't get why Turk was so upset about Rowdy. He's just a creepy, stuffed, stupid, yellow, dead dog. Too many adjectives?
Molly: Well, I'm sure he's more than a pet to Turk. I mean he's basically a link to his childhood.
Carla: He bought him eight years ago at a garage sale.
Molly: Oh, well then he's just a nutter-butter.

Elliot: Well, I guess I was a little more persuasive than I thought. You got the heart valve!
Mr. Phillips: That's amazing! We ought to celebrate. How do you celebrate without heroin?
Elliot: With cake, mostly.
Mr. Phillips: Then let's score some cake!

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 4 Quotes

J.D.'s Narration: Mrs. Carter?
Dr. Cox: Ooh, did I trick Newbie? I did, didn't I! And now of course he has to live in fear of when he will kill. When, when, when when when when when when when when?
J.D.: You know what, I don't appreciate lying.

Molly: What are you doing?
Elliot: Oh, just waiting for Mr. Phillips. He, uh, showed up the first couple of days, but he's missed his last three rehab appointments.
Molly: I'll wait with you.
Elliot: Thanks. I got my eyebrows waxed.
Molly: They look really good.