Scrubs Season 4 Episode 15: "My Hypocritical Oath" Quotes
Turk: Dude, the only difference between a black girl and a white girl is that when a black girl asks you if her ass looks big?
Turk: You say, "Hell yeah!"
Dr. Kelso: No need. I saw his chart right before I went to the bakery. He's got malaria.
Elliot: And you were going to tell him this after you had a sticky bun?
Dr. Kelso: Well, in my defense, he's going to live at least another twelve hours and the bakery closes at five.
J.D.: Hey, I heard a great joke. A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." And the dentist says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why are you at a dentist's office?"
J.D.'s narration: Oh, no, I forgot the punchline... You can't bail out now! Stall! Stall!
J.D.: ...So the moth says "That's a good question. What kind of dentist are you?" And the dentist says, "Well, I'm a general dentist, but I...I do dabble in orthodontry - braces and such." And... and the moth says, "Orthodontry? I hear there's great money in that."
J.D.'s narration: "The light was on"!
J.D.: "But! To answer your original question, which was, if I think I'm a moth, why am I in a dentist's office? The answer is, Because the light was on!" The light! The light, James. Moths love light. So, James, other than your funny bone being broken, what seems to be the problem?
Carla: Don't give him too much credit. He's just excited because he wishes he dated more sexy black women when he was single.
Todd: Well, at least he married one.
Carla: Todd, I'm not black.
Todd: Right, and I'm not straight.
J.D.'s narration: Okay, time to move in for the kill. Work the fact that you're a doctor into the conversation. Just be subtle.
J.D.: I'm a doctor. Uh, John Dorian. Most of my patients live.
Dr. Cox: You're gonna wanna grab a mop-
Janitor: Shush. Watching 'The Sixth Sense'.
Dr. Cox: There's a mess in the hallway.
Janitor: This kid sees dead people.
Dr. Cox: That film is at least five years old.
Janitor: So what? I haven't seen it.
Dr. Cox: Bruce Willis is a ghost. He's been dead the entire time. All the best.
Janitor: Noooo! NO!
J.D.'s Narration: Time to go fishing for some info.
J.D.: Do you ever have any, uh, shortness of breath? For instance when you're walking Kylie to the apartment that you share?
Kylie: We don't live together.
J.D.'s Narration: Window! Window!
J.D.: Oh, so you're-you're waiting until you get married?
Kylie: We're not engaged.
James: To answer your question, I don't have any shortness of breath. But my right knee is a little puffy.
J.D.: Well, maybe that's from dragging your feet! Am I right, Kylie! Heh. She knows! Okay.
J.D.: I'm going for it. But I got-I gotta-I gotta go in there hot. Turk, what's that joke that Mickhead always tells?
Turk: Dude? A guy walks into a dentist's office and says, "I think I'm a moth." The dentist then says, "Well, if you think you're a moth, why'd you come to the dentist's office?" The guy then says, "Well, the light was on."
J.D.: That moth is crazy!
J.D.: Oh man, I can't believe it's over.
Turk: Dude, maybe it's not that serious, all right? There could be a window. But you have to get in there and fish for information, all right? You don't want to lose this hottie! She is a slammin' hottie! And you don't wann-
J.D.: I got this: Baby, you know you're his world!
J.D.: What are you doing here?
Kylie: My girlfriend Tamyra, from the club? She's also feeling a little sick, and you'll never guess what she has.
J.D.: Gonorrhea! I mean... gonorrhea.
J.D.: Do you ever get that special fluttery feeling in your heart when you feel like a woman is about to change your life?
Kylie: Hey! J.D.! This is my boyfriend James. Thanks again for seeing him.
Turk: How's your heart?
J.D.: The fluttering has stopped.
Dude, I can't believe this. You're gonna date a patient! I hope she has something that keeps her here for a while so you can get to know her!Turk