Scrubs Season 4 Episode 15: "My Hypocritical Oath" Quotes
J.D.: It's funny, I thought you said you were the one who needed a doctor.
Kylie: No, I told you it was James.
J.D.: Ohh. How could I not have heard that?
Kylie: Remember, I said...
J.D.'s Narration: My God, look at those beautiful eyes. They're so bi- You're doing it again!
Kylie: ...so, I'll see you in there.
J.D.: Okay. In there, I'll see you.
J.D.: Hey, Kylie, there you are.
Kylie: Hey! J.D.!
J.D.'s Narration: This is your moment! Grab it! Listen, Kylie... Out loud, you idiot! Out loud!
Dr. Kelso: What the hell are you doing?
Turk: I get to have sex!
Dr. Kelso: I hate this place.
Elliot: Did... did you just call me a colleague?
Dr. Kelso: I did. But I hate my colleagues.
Turk: Dude! You can't tell her! They won't let you be a doctor anymore!
J.D.: Who cares! I'd make more money bartending!
Carla: Turk! If we leave right now, I might actually be awake for sex tonight. Just go get my coat... You owe me.
J.D.'s Narration: The only thing you can take solace in is that a girl like her would probably never be interested in you anyway.
Kylie: I can't believe a cute guy like you doesn't have a girlfriend. If I was single, I'd totally snatch you up.
J.D.: Would you like to play a game of Hangman?
Kylie: Ugh, I shoulda brought my laptop - I could've gotten so much work done.
J.D.: You can bartend online?
J.D.: I can't believe you make three hundred dollars in tips a night.
Kylie: Mm-hmm. This is why doctors should have tip jars. I mean, I make three bucks for serving a martini, you put your lips on the mouth of a slobbering dead guy and bring him back to life - that's gotta be worth at least a five spot!
Janitor: So... You don't want to know the ending of something? I can relate to that.
Dr. Cox: What is that in your lap?
Janitor: Leonard! Half kitten, half monkey!
J.D.: Your test results, let's see what's going on. Your gram stain shows that you have... you have gonorrhea... We should probably test Kylie to see if she's infected.
James: Oh, no, we haven't slept together... yet. It's not like I'm missing out - shoot, I probably got it from my secretary. Or that trainer from the gym. Ooh, or this fine chick, Tamyra, that bartends with Kylie? Yeah.
J.D.: Well, we should probably get-get you fixed up, or things might start falling off of ya.
Kylie: Mmm! You coulda used J.D. at Seton Hall!
Turk: Oh, also, the soup kitchen where you volunteer called, and they said- You played ball at Seton Hall?
James: All four years.
Turk: Get outta here!
J.D.: Did-did-did the soup kitchen where I volunteer have a message?
Turk: Yeah, they're out of broth. So what was like playing college ball?
James: Oh, man, it's bett-
Kylie: Sweetie, I'm gonna go to the cafeteria and get you a coffee.
James: Oh, okay.
Turk: Hell, no! Sweetie ain't drinking no cafeteria coffee! Sweetie, you are drinking the coffee from the doctors' lounge! Let's. Seton Hall, huh? That is...
J.D.'s Narration: Give her a compliment. Tell her she has a huge ass!
Kylie: What happened to your eye?
J.D.: Oh, this, it's a little embarrassing. I was playing baske-
Turk: Embarrassing for me, actually, see... It's wing-man time... We were playing basketball, and he scored eight buckets in a row on yours truly.
J.D.: Yeah. I ally-ooped him.
Turk: Shut up.