Turk: What the hell am I doing playing golf!? This is all Tiger Woods' fault.
J.D.: This guy's gonna sue the hospital, we're gonna get fired, we'll have to become male whores... Very successful male whores - we'll probably have a nicer apartment and some bling-bling, but male whores nonetheless!

Janitor: Yeah... Seems like one of the golf balls you hit went through the windshield of my van. No big deal, I just expect you to replace it, that's all.
J.D.: Wait, wait, wait. Your-your windshield's been broken for like a year!
Janitor: Yeah! Yeah, I know. Still.

Janitor: Here's the keys, have it back by tomorrow. Who're you?
Turk: Dr. Turk.
Janitor: I don't care.

Dr. Cox: I'm not gonna lie to you, there, Bob; I have not been having the greatest day.
Dr. Kelso: Perry, I just drew in this eyebrow five minutes ago, so cry me a river.
Dr. Cox: Anyway, Jordan and I got stuck in this crappy room, and I was wondering if... if... whoo, well...
Dr. Kelso: Perry, if you want a favor, don't beat around the bush. Just... curtsy.
Dr. Cox: I beg your pardon, there, Backdraft?

Dr. Cox: Well, then, Jordan, why don't we just think of today as-as a test run.
J.D.'s Narration: Other times, people react exactly how you think they will.
Jordan: Honestly, Perry, the only way I could have felt more taken care of is if I were at a four-star resort, or a spa... or a third-world country where you have to boil your own sewage if you want something to drink! Oh, and by the way? A giant, giant feather in your cap for how much power you wield in this hospital after 15 years.

Come on, come on, come on, Jordan. I am so sorry everything fell apart today, honest-to-God, I am. But I guarantee that when you get here tomorrow, Dr. Gerson will, in fact, be in the super-deluxe birthing suite so that you can go ahead and have that story-book, drug-addled, Pitocin-induced pregnancy that you've always dreamed of ever since you were a little girl.

Dr. Cox

Dr. Donna: I think having babies is so much fun! Don't you!
Jordan: I will choke her.
Dr. Cox: Please, Dr. Brulatti, no more talking.
Dr. Donna: Oh, you know, I really prefer "Dr. Donna"!
Dr. Cox: No means no, pep-squad. Now beat it.

Dr. Cox: And, Jordan, I am not gonna leave your side until that baby is delivered.
Jordan: Get the hell out of here.
Dr. Cox: What?
Jordan: I'm serious. Why don't you do us both a favor and get out.

A-hey-anyway, the cave bat just kicked me out of its lair, and seeing as I no longer have my all-access pass to crazy town, I'm going to need you to occasionally go in there and poke her with a broomstick, just to see how she's doing.

Dr. Cox

Paul: Elliot, wait up. Elliot.
Elliot: Hey.
Paul: I wanted to explain about last night. We had a great time, and I know that you wanted me to come in to... you know...
Elliot: Oh, no, no, no! I invited you in to see my... fish tank.
Todd: Is that what you ladies are calling it nowadays?
Paul: Careful, Todd.
Todd: Sorry, Nurse Flowers, sir.

Dr. Cox: So, now... why'd you finally agree to marry Gandhi?
Carla: Well, he's amazing in bed... and he has an awesome CD collection.

Dr. Cox: Seriously, what got you to the point where you weren't scared anymore?
Carla: Please! I'm still terrified! I mean, good luck finding a pen cap at the nurses' station. Know why?
Dr. Cox: Why?
Carla: Ate 'em all.
Dr. Cox: Sounds like good roughage to me

Scrubs Season 2 Episode 16 Quotes

Jordan: I was going to tell him the truth eventually, I just wanted to see if he was going to be with me because he wanted to, not because he had to. Do you know what I mean?
J.D.: What are you talking about?
Jordan: It's his baby, stupid! Don't tell anyone

Ted: I honestly don't know what put the idea of golfing on the roof in my head!
Todd: Dude! It is so nice out here! You mind if I take it down to the banana hammock?