Jack: Flip.
Jordan: Flip? What does flip mean, Perry?
Dr. Cox: Jack probably thinks that Mommy and Daddy are being a little too sarcastic with each other.
Janitor: Maybe. Or, it's because every time he says "Flip", Daddy does a little trick where he grabs Jack by the ankles, he flips him upside down, he drops him down onto his shoulders, and then puts him in a little baby trapeze, shoots him across the sandbox without a net.

Carla: J.D., you're drunk!
J.D.: Carla, I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

Jordan: I normally never let people touch him.
Janitor: Oh really? Because these photographs would beg to differ. Old lady, kissing Jack. Teenage girl, hugging Jack. Homeless man, holding Jack.
Dr. Cox: Jordan!
Jordan: That's just Carl. He holds Jack when I get a bikini wax!

Elliot: I'm such a horrible person. I mean, there I was, up on my high horse about Mr. Gerst and then I just turned out to be just as bad as everyone else.
Dr. Kelso: Sweetheart, give yourself some credit. You're much worse than everyone else.

Alright, fine. I'm a little rougher than you are, but guess what? The two of us have two distinctively different parenting styles. You're an overbearing hypercautious psychotic, and I'm... well, you know... fun? And I think if we could meet somewhere in the middle, I think Jack's going to be terrific! And besides, it's not like I ever put him in any real danger.

Dr. Cox

J.D.: Yes it is! It's a friend kiss and we will never talk about this to anyone ever!
Elliot: What's going on?
J.D.: Nothing.
Carla: J.D. and I kissed.
J.D.: Carla!
Elliot: You kissed? Like a friend kiss?
J.D.: Yes!
Carla: No!
J.D.: Carla! You're killing me!

Turk: Baby, from here on out I hide nothing from you. It's a clean start for us. Sports time!
J.D.'s narration: Because in the end, things work out for the best.
Carla: J.D. and I kissed.
J.D.'s narration: Or not.

Elliot: I have to tell you a story. When I was in the seventh grade, I was at a roller rink and I needed to go to the bathroom. So I just skated right on into a stall and I did my, uh, private business. And then when I went to pull up my pants, I started rolling towards the door, which as it turned out wasn't latched. Now, I don't know if you've had any experience roller skating with your underpants around your ankles--it's very difficult to stop. Unless of course, you know, you scream so loud that they turn off the music and everyone is looking at you. Anyway, that's how I wound up with the nickname "Roller Moler".
Gerst: I'm sorry?
Elliot: I have a mole on my ass. The cute kind! Not the hairy kind.

Turk: There you are. Hey Ted. So how'd it go last night?
J.D.: Whoa! What's with the fifth degree?
Turk: Don't you mean third degree?
J.D.: No, because this is two degrees worse. I can't breathe, it's like you're all over me. I'm trapped in a death coffin.

Elliot: I'm going to try to better myself, and unlike you, I'm going to follow through, Mr. "Sign up on the Hospital Bulletin Board for Private German Lessons and then Never Show Up"! Yeah, that's right. That was my flyer! I waited at that coffee shop for hours.
Dr. Kelso: I broke up with my German mistress. She smelled like sauerkraut.
Elliot: I'm so sorry.

Carla: Oh, it's so nice to get out. Oh, hey do you know who sings this song?
J.D.: No, but I can tell you who doesn't sing it. Billy Joel, who brought us such hits as "Uptown Girl" and "Matter of Trust". And speaking of trust, do you know who's really trustworthy? Turk. I call him Turkey Turkey Turkey Turkey Trust Trust. A little nickname.

Elliot: So, Mr. Gerst. Your situation doesn't seem to be reversing itself. I think we're going to need to schedule a procedure to relieve the... uh...
Dr. Kelso: Woodiness.
Mr. Gerst: My fiancee's only twenty-four and she said she wanted to do something special this morning. Turns out she just meant having breakfast with her family. The pills didn't really kick in until just about the moment I'm introduced to her ninety year old grandma. Sure enough, that little lady gives me the waist hug from her wheelchair.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 21 Quotes

Dad: Hey. Kid's back on the jungle gym. Guess your wife backed down.
Dr. Cox: You bet your sweet ass she did.
J.D.'s Narration: Even if it involves a compromise.
(Jack is hanging from the jungle gym, wearing many layers of heavy padding)
Dr. Cox: Hey Jack! Just blink when you want me to get you down. Just give me the old blink-a-rooney. Terrific athlete. I'm thinking 2016 Olympics. Oh God, was that a blink? Excuse me.

Wow, that was a moist kiss. Wish I was wearing an apron.

J.D.