Laverne: You have ONE DAY to get us another gorgeous irishman.
Todd: ONE DAY. (weird looks from JD and Turk) What? The Todd appreciates hot, regardless of gender.

Jerry: When I was alive, I wish I had lived one day like he lives every day of his life.
J.D.: Dead people don't talk, Jerry.

Jordan? Jordan, why aren't you more upset about this? I, honest to God, I don't get it. I mean, normally you'd go to your mother's for a bitch refresher course, and then you'd come right back here just swinging for the fences.

Dr. Cox

J.D.'s Narration: My partner and I - yeah, I said it - we had heard that Billy was back, and he was mad.
Billy: I warned ya!
J.D.: What the hell happened?
Billy: He woke up and said something snarky, so I popped him again!

Jordan: Okay, now that we're being all open and honest?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Jordan: I do not want to have any more kids. I think you should get the vasectomy!
Dr. Cox: Fantastic.

Dr. Cox: Jordan, let me talk for a second. I've been trained for many years to take any emotion I feel, push it down, and then let it out by drinking way too much and by yelling at the football players on my T.V. screen. And I... I really thought I hit the jackpot when I finally met a woman who was as disturbed and closed-off as I am.
Jordan: Thank you.
Dr. Cox: You're welcome. Still, now I want more. I-I really do. I want to talk about things. Not-not everything. Not everything. I definitely, definitely don't want to talk about everything. For instance I don't need to know when you beat up a woman in the park because her purse is the same color as yours; but things that matter, things that are important to us as a-as a family. And I know... I know that there are guys who bring flowers and that there are guys who write love songs. But, Jordan, I'm a guy sitting in front of you here with a twice operated-on penis that says "I want to be a couple that communicates more openly."

J.D.: Well, hey, we're sorry about the whole incarceration thing.
Billy: No worries. Life's too short to hold a grudge. But still, you two boys might want to ask yourselves why you contacted the authorities but didn't have the decency to come and talk to me first. But I should let you two "partners" figure that out. By the way, you're a gorgeous couple. Good luck to ya.

Perry, believe me when I say I'm proud to welcome you to what I like to call the "seedless grapes club."

Dr. Kelso

J.D.'s Narration: "Dorian" isn't hard to hear over the phone. But I didn't really want to talk about it with Turk. When you have a problem with someone, you tend to talk to everyone except them.
Dr. Cox: I went behind Jordan's back and got my junk rewired. She was sweet to me. Sweet, Bobbo. What the hell do you make of that?
Elliot: Carla thinks she's so tough, you know? She's "been around the block." She's "from the block." Enough about the block! It's not my fault my family had an orchard.
Carla: For four years I've had to listen to Elliot complain about her problems. "My parents are too rich." "I slept with J.D. again." "Why can't I gain any weight?" I have problems of my own! I'm from the block!
Jerry: I wanted to help her, I just wish she could've heard me.
Carla: Okay, Jerry, you're out.

Turk: Well, Elliot, you don't look too banged up about it - you got your arm around Carla.
Elliot: My hand is stuck in this rat's nest that she calls hair!
Carla: Dye job!
Laverne: Got it! But, Chopstick, you're gonna have to buy a new watch. And Carla, you may wanna borrow some of my spray-on hair.

Dr. Cox: All righty, let's go for the hat-trick, there, doc.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Jordan: Hey, doc! Zip it, grip it, and snip it!

Turk: Heard you guys were fighting.
Carla: We made up.
Janitor: No they didn't... Chop bustin'. And doc dustin'.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 14 Quotes

Dr. Cox: All righty, let's go for the hat-trick, there, doc.
Doctor: Are you sure?
Jordan: Hey, doc! Zip it, grip it, and snip it!

Carla: Where have you been?
Dr. Cox: Fishing.
Carla: You hate fishing.
Dr. Cox: I went with my friends.
Carla: You don't have friends.