Scrubs Season 4 Episode 9: "My Malpractical Decision" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Okay, missy. Knowing damn sure that you'll sue us if the slightest thing should go wrong with this elective procedure, we're gonna go ahead and elect not to do it.
Neena: You can't do that.
Dr. Cox: Really? Bob?
Dr. Kelso: Hospitals can refuse treatment on a non-emergency patient. Here's a list of places we can refer you to. Thanks for playing.
Neena: I have a few questions about my father.
Dr. Cox: Your father has syncope-
J.D.: Perr, I'm back in! You see, Neena, the heart is like a big inflatable house. Now, on the bottom floor are these two rooms, or "ventricles." Now, these ventricles - or "rooms"-
Neena: Syncope in the setting of severe LV systolic dysfunction indicates a high risk of arrhythmia. So the best course of action would probably be an implantable defibrillator. I'm a medical malpractice attorney. And I am much, much smarter than you.
J.D.: They're like rooms.
Dr. Cox: I gotta go. If I'm around that sea hag for more than ten seconds my throat closes up. Page me if you need me.
J.D.: Need you? Perry, please, I got this one!
Neena: Are you Dr. Dorian?
Perry's pager goes off and he turns around
J.D.: She was all over me!
J.D.: But "CALL-TURK" is eight numbers.
Turk: I know, actually it's just CALL-TUR, but I'm hoping people will dial the "K" anyway.
J.D.: I'll always dial the "K" for you.
Turk: You're a good friend.
Dr. Cox: How do you even look at yourself in the mirror knowing that you are ruining American medicine? Frivolous lawsuits, scare perspective, doctors-
Neena: Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Dr. Cox: Don't you even feel the least bit-
Neena: Shh! Perry, if you want me to shed a tear about the current status of our medical system, I'm gonna have to borrow a scalpel and dig it deep into my arm, because here's a secret... I don't care about anything that you think about anything.
Dr. Kelso: Miss Broderick.
Neena: Bob. Oh, hi Ted, how's your wife doing?... Oh, that's right, I forgot you freeze up around me. Okay. Well, I'll see you in court on the eighteenth.
J.D.'s Narration: Ted's possum-like defense mechanism was actually quite brilliant.
Ted: Hello, Neena. We got divorced, actually. I'll see you in court on the eighteenth!
Doug: How long do I have to stay up here?
Janitor: Just until I finish pretending to read the newspaper. Hm! Apparently there was some sort of election held recently.
Dr. Kelso: Shake this place up! And for God's sakes, get Murphy out of here!
Carla: Don't worry, Doug, you're a good doctor.
Doug: I know!
He turns around and accidentally jolts Carla with the defribrilator paddles.
J.D.'s Narration: See, Neena Broderick is the scariest malpractice attorney in the city. She seemed to create problems where there were none.
Woman: Grandma was a hundred and two. It was her time to go.
Neena whips a card at the woman.
Woman: You killed her, and you're gonna pay for it!
J.D.'s Thoughts: Wait, is she in to me? Quick, make a bad joke and see if she laughs.
J.D.: Did you hear the one about the skeleton who couldn't go to the party? He had no body to go with.
Neena: That's really funny!
J.D.'s Narration: Well that's not a fair test - that joke's hilarious.
J.D.: I gotta tell you, sitting here watching you play with your food makes you seem much less horrifying.
Neena: Oh, I know how I come off. You know, but I have to put that act on for my job. It's kind of like how you act all nerdy and spastic to seem more accessible to your patients.
J.D.: I'm glad you got that.
Neena: Dr. Dorian!
J.D.'s Narration: Okay, just stay calm. You can handle this. She can't be that much of a ball-buster.
Neena: Dr. Dorian?
J.D.: I'm wearing a cup!
Neena: Thanks for the crotch update.