Scrubs Season 2 Episode 12: "My New Old Friend" Quotes
J.D.: So, anyway, Elliot...
Elliot: Hey, I found an apartment!
J.D.: Great! You know, but there's no rush for you to move out.
Elliot: Well, what are we gonna do, just live with each other forever, and anytime we feel, like, lonely or vulnerable, we just hop into bed and have hot sex?
J.D.: That would be stupid.
Carla: Dr. Cox, I think you should take a look at, um, Mr. Corman's chart.
Dr. Cox: Why, what's he got, scurvy? Mr. Corman? There's no chance you were on a ship in the 1700s, is there?
Turk: Dude, she was going like thirty-five miles an hour. All you saw was, like, knuckles and a bun... Poor Bessy, man.
J.D.: What kind of grown man still names his car?
Turk: You do.
J.D.: Yeah, well, I've had Malik since I was seventeen; that's totally different.
Dr. Cox: This is Dr. Zeltzer. He is the finest oncologist we have on staff.
Dr. Zeltzer: Really? You think so?
Dr. Cox: Yeah, I do.
Dr. Zeltzer: Thank you!
Mr. Corman: So, where do we start?
Dr. Zeltzer: Well, uh, first off, we need to- Better than Leventhal?
Mr. Corman: Leventhal's a quack. You're the guy. You're the man. You can do it!
Dr. Zeltzer: Bless you.
Dr. Zeltzer: That was some catch. The patient shows almost no symptoms, you call for a bone marrow biopsy? What made you even think to do that?
Dr. Cox: How about, he was unbelievably annoying, and I wanted to scare him so bad that he'd never come back in my hospital again?
Carla: Oh! Don't worry, Dr. Zeltzer, he's only kidding!
Dr. Zeltzer: Stupid! See, that's where Leventhal has the edge - he woulda got that; the man is hilarious. Well, of course, he wouldn't be laughing so hard if he knew I was sleeping with his wife.
Dr. Cox: Mr. Corman. Great news: Dr. Zeltzer and I have gone over your test results, and your prognosis is excellent.
Mr. Corman: That's great.
Dr. Cox: Yeah, it is!
Mr. Corman: But you know what? You guys can pat yourself on the back all you want, but I'm not an idiot. I know that you were screwing with me; that I come in here sometimes, thinking I'm sick when I'm not. But if you remember anything, you remember this: If it turns out I didn't have cancer, I coulda been just some guy coming in here, looking for help... that you treated like crap.
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Mr. Corman: The whole thing has given me an ulcer.
Carla: You wanna be tested for that, too, don't you?
Mr. Corman: Do ya mind?
Elliot: You're such an ass.
Laverne: Could you speak up? Mr. Roberts doesn't hear so well.
Elliot: Laverne, if you're looking for your beeswax, none of that is over here, okay?!
Laverne: Now she all mad.
Elliot: Look, I really just needed your help last night, and you completely bailed on me.
J.D.: You're the one that drew all these lines up, said that we're not in a relationship right now.
Elliot: J.D., I wasn't looking for a boyfriend last night - I was looking for a friend.
Laverne: Guess she told him.
Dr. Cox: Why didn't you stop me?
Dr. Cox: Why did you let me harass that guy?
Carla: So, you think the fact that you got annoyed and became incredibly insensitive with another human being is my fault?
Dr. Cox: Yeah! Lookit, whenever I'm about to do some stupid-ass stuff, you're the one who calls me on it, and you're then damn-sure the one who makes me stop.
Carla: Maybe all that therapy has changed you?
Dr. Cox: Oh, please, I'm crazier than ever. Lookit, during this entire conversation, I've actually been imagining myself sitting on a throne between us, watching all of this.
Carla: Maybe we're just not as close as we used to be.
Dr. Cox: Maybe.
Carla: So, you're just, like, right here, watching us?
Dr. Cox: No... Other side... m'yeah... I'm... invisible to the naked eye.