Scrubs Season 2 Episode 2: "My Nightingale" Quotes
J.D: This, this isn't like being a janitor, okay? It's not like something everybody can do.
Janitor: Ohh, so you can do my stuff but I can't do yours.
Janitor: Okay hotshot, what would you use to get a coffee stain up off a tile floor?
J.D.: I don't know-the rough side of a sponge?
Dr. Cox: Jordan. What a coincidence! You were in my dream last night. I can't say for certain, but I was having the flesh torn from my bones by a cross-eyed water snake - you, right?
Dr. Cox: Mary. Rhoda. Chart, please... What'd I stutter? Gimme the chart. Atta girl. Ew. Man. I don't like his 0-2 set. Grab me a doughnut, will ya?
Elliot: Oh, you mean like a- um- a blood-pressure thingie?
Dr. Cox: I mean like a glazed thingie. And I like sprinkles on half of it; so if you can't find a half sprinkled, get me all sprinkles and just go ahead and pick half of 'em off.
J.D.: You know that was...kind of demeaning.
Dr. Cox: You know, you're right. Would you do me a favor and apologize to her while you get me some coffee. And please be quick, otherwise I'm just gonna have the manager send over a different waitress. Go. You're done now. Yeah
Dr. Kelso: Miss Sullivan, I just want to thank you and the rest of the board for giving me this award. The fact that your first choice passed away last weekend in no way makes it any less special.
Jordan: Are you sure? 'Cause it seems like it does
Dr. Cox: Hey, Bob. As far as the whole intro thing goes, I've actually gone ahead and given it a lot of thought, but I'm afraid I'm gonna very politely have to tell you to blow it out your ass.
Dr. Kelso: I think we both understand how this works. It's like when my dog Baxter goes winkle on the carpet: He always heads right straight away from the tool shed, but we both know that's where he's gonna spend the night.
Jordan: Charming story
Carla: Say what you want, I know you care about her. In fact, I bet that after you two are done playing racquet-ball or talking or whatever you crazy kids are calling it, you'd like nothing better than to just lie there and pass the time by watching her sleep.
Dr. Cox: Carla, it's impossible to actually lie next to Jordan, seeing as she sleeps hanging upside-down from the ceiling, wrapped in a cocoon of her own wings.
Carla: That's nice
Dr. Cox: Hey, Jordan, there's something I really want to say to you...
Jordan: But can you say it while I'm drinking water? Because I'm really dying of thirst...
Dr. Cox: I like you... again. There, you win. You can ahead and do your victory dance or slaughter a goat or whatever it is you do when you're happy
Jordan: You don't like me.
Dr. Cox: I watch you when you sleep.
Jordan: Well that just gives me the heebie-jeebies
Dr. Cox: I can't stop thinking about putting up with you.
Jordan: Look: This is pointless, angry, shallow sex! Why would you go and ruin something like that?
Dr. Cox: I'm real sorry, but that's just not enough for me anymore.
Jordan: Sweetie, I have feelings for you, too; I do. But unlike you, I have some balls, so you don't hear me whining about it
Janitor: You rang. Lurch.
J.D.: Oh. Um. My stethoscope is stuck up there, and I need you to get it down for me.
Janitor: You put it up there.
J.D.: It's really neither here nor there.
Janitor: Fine. All right, we're even.
J.D.: Thank God.
Janitor: You know you could have just asked me to stop hassling you for, like, a year?
J.D.: Okay, I want that, then.
Janitor: It's too late
Carla: You all claim you want more responsibility... But you're being outsmarted by a doctor who wears scrubs made out of hemp; you're afraid to stand up to a volunteer who's answering the clinic phones; and Bambi, did you ever place that femoral swan?
J.D.: It's on my todo list
Carla: He went home, but he said Carol can cover for him.
Turk: Is Carol the one with the firm butt?
J.D: Well, I'm Carol, so yes.
Elliot: It's disturbing how obsessed you are with your own butt