Turk: Okay, fine, I'll try. One condition: Gimme some!
She "slaps" him just as Dr. Kelso and Ted approach
Ted: Oh my God!
Dr. Kelso: I think it, and she does it!

Janitor: Hey, I'll, uh, join you for a cup of mud.
Elliot: Great! Meet me downstairs in five minutes.
Janitor: I'll be there. Just let me wash this, uh, glue off my hands.
J.D.: What was he gluing?
He picks his hands up off the keyboard, only to have it stick.
J.D.: Not again.

Carla: I have a couple of announcements. There's a serious problem around here with not getting to know our patients. Yes, the doctor told you to administer Halidol, but why is he prescribing it? Does the patient have a chance of sundowning or is he prone to psychotic breaks and needs to be tied down? You have to ask these questions, right Tammy?
Tammy: Mm-hmm.
Laverne: Child, we are swamped. Where you think we're gonna get that kind of time?
Carla: Laverne, if you care you'll go the extra mile. Like my husband. Turk?
Turk: Hm?
Carla: You have three patients on the floor. What can you tell us about them?
Turk: Well, I'm cutting out that guy's appendix, I'm sewing up her lacerated spleen, and I'm slicing off that dude's foot.
Carla: Great. And why are you doing those things?
Turk: Because it says so on the charts... What'd I do?

Dr. Cox: He's done it! He's done it! Dorian's the Most! Annoying! Man in the World! Who would've ever thought a journeyman annoyer like Dorian might...
J.D.: You are a close second!

Elliot: Maybe Mrs. Kasuba has a perinephric abscess?
J.D.: No, her pain is central, not near the back. Come on, Bangs! You know what helps me when I'm diagnosing? Mentally picturing everything. Like those sugar packets there. How do you think they got there?
Elliot: Somebody probably knocked them over.
J.D.: I don't think so. You see, the packets are neatly stacked. Plus that coffee cup has the lipstick of a certain very hot Nurse Tisdale.
Fantasy: Todd comes in behind Nurse Tisdale as she makes coffee
Todd: If you're looking for sugar, there's some on the floor.
Nurse Tisdale notices the pile and bends over to retrieve it, giving the Todd a great view of her rear.
Todd: Thonnnnnnng!
End Fantasy
J.D.: It's the classic Todd Thong Sugar Trap.

Turk: 194.
Carla: That high, baby? You've been sneaking brownies, haven't you? Well, don't think that when you go blind I'm gonna go get you no seeing-eye dog!
Turk: I'm gonna name him Gizmo.
J.D.: That's what we were gonna name our robot!
Turk: Oh, well, when we get the robot, we'll just name him TuPac.
J.D.: "TuPac, may I please have some waffles?" "Would you like some sy-rup?" Yeah, that'd be fine. It'll work. It's a good idea.

J.D.'s Narration: Lately it seemed like Turk was being a little casual about his diabetes.
Turk: Okay, you all know the rules. I test my blood sugar, you bet high or low, and twenty-five percent goes to diabetes. Because if we all work hard, together... I can get a big-ass flat screen.

J.D.'s Narration: See, this is why it doesn't bother me that Elliot is so much better with the train wreck codes. Her biggest weakness is my biggest strength - diagnosis.
J.D.: Elliot, if you need help, just ask Dr. Diagnosis. You could be my side-kick! Bangs McCoy!

Elliot: You know that guy that crashed this morning is doing great?
Dr. Cox: Oh, Barbie. Maybe you could take a break from congratulating yourself and figure out what's wrong with Mrs. Kasuba over there, seeing as you're her doctor and she's been in the I.C.U. for three days.
Elliot: We're, um, running lots of tests.
Dr. Cox: Tests? Oh, goody! And what exactly will you be looking for? And if it's the slowest doctor in the hospital, then ding! ding! ding! ding! I already found her.

J.D.: Classic Janitor!
Janitor: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Elliot: 14 Across: Four letters, "Band that sang 'Roseanna'"?
End Fantasy
J.D.: Toto!
They all look at him oddly.
J.D.: T-O-T-O - Toto.

Daisy: Here's your shirt, Dr. Reid.
Elliot: Wow, Daisy! Enjoy your weekend, you little scrapper!
J.D.: Oh, Daisy, I'm supposed to ask you - can Lonnie have his lower lip back?
Daisy: It's my trophy.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 13 Quotes

Janitor: Yeah! Well, you win! Heh.
Ted's Band: Woo.
Elliot: Your-your band didn't even sing yet.
Ted's Band: Aww.
Janitor: There's no need. You win!
Ted's Band: Woo.

Oh, God... Okay, I don't ask for much, just a little help with a stain every now and then. I'd like to be able to communicate with animals... But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle. Hibbleton - whatever that means - on three.