J.D.'s Narration: We knew how to protect the interns from Dr. Kelso.
Dr. Kelso: Look, Brent, is it? Son, please tell me you come with a money back guarantee, because I'd like to get something useful like a can of Brent remover! I mean, for God's sa-
J.D.: -sake, Brent! When are you gonna wake up and use that-
Elliot: -rock that you have been calling your skull?!
J.D.: We got this.
Elliot: I mean, even a blind squirrel occasionally finds a nut! And-
J.D.: He's gone. He's gone.

Dr. Cox: And in case you haven't noticed, we've got ourselves one hospital chock-full of monkey interns; and, news-flash, your job is to catch whatever they're flinging. Coffee talk, ladies, is now officially over. Get your asses to work. Now.
J.D.: Cream?
Elliot: Please!

Elliot: Thank you! And I actually got you a little something...
J.D.: A magnifying glass?
Elliot: Yes... For these.
J.D.: You got the tiny post-its! Aww, awesome! For our tiny bulletin board! Aaaand I have a dentist appointment that got moved to Tuesday at 4 PM. "Don't floss before you come in, it makes your gums bloody"! Aww!

Doug: You know, I don't really like you guys playing with my cadavers.
Elliot: Oh, really, Doug? So how come that one over there has a soda in his hand?
Doug: He keeps it cold!
J.D.: And how come when we walked in you were sitting in a circle with three corpses playing Texas hold 'em?
Doug: Just call first from now on!

Janitor: Well, it-it - you know the only reason I was wearing the suit at all was because our, uh, a cappella band was... practicing.
Elliot: Oh, that's great! What's your band's name?
Janitor: Uh... It's, uh, Hibbleton. Yeah, yeah. And, um, I don't think it's going too far to say that we're the best hospital employee band in town.
Worthless Peons: Oh, really?

Turk: Baby, don't be mad, you know about surgeons. We're hammers, and our patients are nails. And hammers don't get to know nails; they hammer them. Why? Because... hammers.
Carla: For the last time, Turk, I'm not gonna call you "The Hammer".

Dr. Cox: Say, that was some real Nancy Drew stuff, there...Nancy. I mean, absolutely irrelevant as far as medicine goes, but damn amusing!
J.D.: Don't feel weird because you're threatened by my gift. Many are.
Dr. Cox: Did you feel that you weren't quite annoying enough without adding a delusional sense of grandeur? Because I promise you, you are annoying enough. In fact, you're the number one contender for the middle weight annoyance crown.
J.D.: Well, you're the number one jealous...weight for the jealous weight... jealous ch-champ.

J.D.'s Narration: Bottom line, together, Elliot and I are the greatest co-chief residents of all time.
Dr. Cox: (enters the room) You two are, without a doubt, the worst co-chief residents of all time.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 13 Quotes

Janitor: Yeah! Well, you win! Heh.
Ted's Band: Woo.
Elliot: Your-your band didn't even sing yet.
Ted's Band: Aww.
Janitor: There's no need. You win!
Ted's Band: Woo.

Oh, God... Okay, I don't ask for much, just a little help with a stain every now and then. I'd like to be able to communicate with animals... But right now, oh boy, we need a miracle. Hibbleton - whatever that means - on three.