Dr. Kelso: Unfortunately, by hospital policy, we have to stay locked down until the labs come back, and that's going to take several hours. So let's hang in there and not forget this is all Dr. Dorian's fault.
J.D.: Kylie, angry mob. Angry mob, Kylie.

Mr. Donaldson hasn't been to Hong Kong in twenty years, so I bet my one remaining testicle no one has SARS.

Dr. Kelso

J.D.: It's so great, because the residents are practically our slaves.
J.D.'s Narration: Aggghhh! I just said "slaves" to my new black girlfriend!

Lonnie: Are you doing this because I forgot to shave this morning?
J.D.'s Narration: Good lord! That's a one-day mustache?

Dr. Cox: She's your nightmare sister. You take her out to dinner.
Jordan: I spent the whole day with her. She stole a sweater!
Danni: So what? You're the one wearing it. Now let's go eat. I've had nothing all day except vodka and olives.

J.D.'s Narration: A hundred and twenty dollars for a stupid dead rat!?
Kylie: I think it's so sweet that you're depressed about that poor little possum.
J.D.: I'll always remember him. Little Carlton. I named him after my uncle. He had red eyes. Allergic to preserves, but he spread 'em on everything, you know?

Kylie: It's a poor little possum! We should take him to the vet!
J.D.'s Narration: It was Sophie's Choice. Either heartlessly leave the possum there to die or wrap that little guy up in my sports coat and reveal the short-sleeved nerd jersey that lurked beneath.

Danni: Didn't I go to your wedding?
Turk: Yeah, you threw up on my gram-gram.

Danni: Wanna hang out?
Dr. Cox: Depends. Does "hang out" mean "choke you"?

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 16 Quotes

Now, keep an eye on the bum's vitals. I gave him enough sedative to put down a rhino.


Kylie: Let's go.
J.D.: Kylie, wait. I paid Steve fifty bucks and an I.O.U. for another hundred and twenty to fake a heart attack. I just-I really wanted tonight to go well.
Kylie: Is there anything else?
Danni: Adios, assface.
J.D.: I had sex with her. A lot.
Kylie: Why are you telling me this?
J.D.: If I don't come clean now, whether it's a few weeks or months or years from now, I know it's gonna come back to haunt me and ruin us, and I don't want that.
Kylie: I'm not looking for a project.
J.D.: Yeah... I understand. It's...
Kylie: So get it together. Now let's go get some coffee.