J.D.: I missed you, my African-American friend.
Turk: Call me Brown Bear.

Janitor: So I hear you're homeless. I wanna volunteer, give you a place to stay.
J.D.: I don't think so, buddy.
Janitor: Listen, crash in my garage. I guarantee you there will not be another person in there.
J.D.: You're gonna slather jam on my face and sic a family of raccoons on me, aren't you!
Janitor: Damn it. I've become predictable.

Ah, the intern car wash. Are you saving up so you can finally get those pec implants replaced?

Jordan

J.D.'s Narration: The dance begins with a subtle hint.
J.D.: I am so pooped.
J.D.'s Narration: Step Two: Sashay her into sympathy.
J.D.: It's chilly out there.
Kylie: It is cold.
J.D.'s Narration: Finally, sweep her off her feet with your vulnerable cuteness.
J.D.: You know what I call this weather? Snuggle weather.
J.D.'s Narration: Tip the band leader and fluff up the pillows, because this dance is done.
Kylie: You should go.

J.D.'s Narration: Get the moment back! Say something hot!
J.D.: Perhaps we could invite Turk and Carla to join us on the bed?

Ron: I'm sorry. Did you just call me black? Because the last time I checked, the correct term was "African-American."
J.D.: Well, Turk lets me call him Brown Bear.
Ron: Who the hell is Turk?!
J.D.: I should go.

J.D.: All right. And d-d-d-don't worry about John Dorian, because I may be poor in pocket, but I'm rich in friends! Elliot, I need to crash at your place for a week.
Elliot: Nope.

Dr. Cox: Look, I am not going to let this weekend become about who's a bigger man. Ron's bringing his kid - I can't wait to meet the child. And when he pulls in here in his crappy rent-a-car and he gets one look at my hand-polished Porsche, well, naturally, I'll have the lead.
Jordan: Very exciting.
A helicopter descends in the parking lot and Ron climbs down
Ron: Hoo-hoo! Hey. Hey, guys. Oh, I know the chopper seems like a bit much, but, uh, there was crazy traffic, so I'm having my assistant drive my rental car over from the airport - ah!
A sports car pulls up and honks.
Ron: Well, it hardly seems worth it now, but what the hell?

Dr. Cox: Guys, guys, guys. You've all been working here for two years. Now why do I have to keep teaching you the same stuff? I want to see you apply light pressure, small circles.
Lonnie: Can we take a break? The sun is scorching, and I'm very fair-skinned.
Dr. Cox: You've only been out here for eight minutes.

J.D.: What? When have I ever been all up in your space?
Flashback: Turk and Carla are taking a bath
Carla: This is nice.
Turk: Mm-hmm.
Show J.D. on the toilet next to them.
J.D.: Whooooo! Sorry about the twosie, guys.
End Flashback
J.D.: Huh. And here I thought that was a lovely evening.

Dr. Cox: Ron's kid doesn't make eye contact, he barely speaks, and he freaked out when you tried to cuddle him. I mean, hell, if he was an adult, he'd be, well...you know...me. But those behaviors in a child could point towards Autism. I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do.
Jordan: Grit our teeth, get through the weekend, never speak to Ron again?
Dr. Cox: Exactly.

Perry, if I'm gonna be spending a lot of time with someone else's child, it's gonna be with our neighbor's 17-year-old. And don't think he hasn't asked. Oh...Pablo. Mm.

Jordan

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 18 Quotes

Ron: You know, uh... I just wanna say that, uh, I'm gonna handle this kid situation so much better than you ever could.
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I would kick your ass in situation-handling. I'm a doctor, for God sakes. And, for the record, the Vegas odds-makers are makin' Coxy a heavy favorite.
Ron: Well, then, I would just bet on me and make a bundle.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I probably would, too.

J.D.: Aha! Behold, the Twinkie from the first day we moved in! I owe you an apology, Turk. Splitsies?
Turk: Of course. (To Carla) Heh. Want some?
Carla: No!
Turk: Okay, fine. More for me.