Ron: So look at you, Mr. Big Time Doctor!
Dr. Cox: How about you, Mr. Big Time...I don't actually know what you do.
Ron: Man, I've told you a hundred times: I run mergers and acquisitions for a large private equity hedge fund... You've forgotten already, haven't you?
Dr. Cox: No, no. You do hedge clippings for a big farm.
Ron: Wha?
Dr. Cox: You privately acquire hedgehogs... Oh, come on, you got a hog farm. Gimme a break.

J.D.'s Narration: All right, Carla calls the shots. Appeal to her rational side.
J.D.: Carla, I totally understand you guys need your space, but with work and my financial situation, finding a new place is gonna be, minimum, two to four years.
Carla: Come on, Bambi. Aren't there any other married couples that want to live in a small apartment with a 29-year-old man?
J.D.'s Narration: She called me a man! Okay, time to play the best friend card.
J.D.: Turk, I've always had your back and you always had mine. Are you sure you want to go through with this?
Turk: It was my idea.
J.D.: I banged your first girlfriend.

Dr. Cox: Guys, guys, guys. You've all been working here for two years. Now why do I have to keep teaching you the same stuff? I want to see you apply light pressure, small circles.
Lonnie: Can we take a break? The sun is scorching, and I'm very fair-skinned.
Dr. Cox: You've only been out here for eight minutes.

J.D.: What? When have I ever been all up in your space?
Flashback: Turk and Carla are taking a bath
Carla: This is nice.
Turk: Mm-hmm.
Show J.D. on the toilet next to them.
J.D.: Whooooo! Sorry about the twosie, guys.
End Flashback
J.D.: Huh. And here I thought that was a lovely evening.

J.D.: I missed you, my African-American friend.
Turk: Call me Brown Bear.

J.D.'s Narration: Get the moment back! Say something hot!
J.D.: Perhaps we could invite Turk and Carla to join us on the bed?

Perry, if I'm gonna be spending a lot of time with someone else's child, it's gonna be with our neighbor's 17-year-old. And don't think he hasn't asked. Oh...Pablo. Mm.


Dr. Cox: Ron's kid doesn't make eye contact, he barely speaks, and he freaked out when you tried to cuddle him. I mean, hell, if he was an adult, he'd be, But those behaviors in a child could point towards Autism. I think it's pretty obvious what we have to do.
Jordan: Grit our teeth, get through the weekend, never speak to Ron again?
Dr. Cox: Exactly.

J.D.: All right. And d-d-d-don't worry about John Dorian, because I may be poor in pocket, but I'm rich in friends! Elliot, I need to crash at your place for a week.
Elliot: Nope.

Dr. Cox: Look, I am not going to let this weekend become about who's a bigger man. Ron's bringing his kid - I can't wait to meet the child. And when he pulls in here in his crappy rent-a-car and he gets one look at my hand-polished Porsche, well, naturally, I'll have the lead.
Jordan: Very exciting.
A helicopter descends in the parking lot and Ron climbs down
Ron: Hoo-hoo! Hey. Hey, guys. Oh, I know the chopper seems like a bit much, but, uh, there was crazy traffic, so I'm having my assistant drive my rental car over from the airport - ah!
A sports car pulls up and honks.
Ron: Well, it hardly seems worth it now, but what the hell?

Ah, the intern car wash. Are you saving up so you can finally get those pec implants replaced?


Carla: You have to move out.
J.D.: What? Is this about the bra catapult thing? Because if it's that big a deal, I can throw my own water balloons. I don't need those C-cups.

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 18 Quotes

Ron: You know, uh... I just wanna say that, uh, I'm gonna handle this kid situation so much better than you ever could.
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I would kick your ass in situation-handling. I'm a doctor, for God sakes. And, for the record, the Vegas odds-makers are makin' Coxy a heavy favorite.
Ron: Well, then, I would just bet on me and make a bundle.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I probably would, too.

J.D.: Aha! Behold, the Twinkie from the first day we moved in! I owe you an apology, Turk. Splitsies?
Turk: Of course. (To Carla) Heh. Want some?
Carla: No!
Turk: Okay, fine. More for me.