J.D.: Does Doug Murphy live here?
Ed McMahon: The pathologist?
J.D.: Yeah.
Ed McMahon: No. He moved out. Excuse me. I gotta go change somebody's life.
J.D.: Okay... But, Mr. McMahon, would you mind-
Ed McMahon: Hi-ohhhhhhhhhhh!
J.D.: You are correct, sir!

Come on in. I've got a huge king bed. It'll be nice to have a buffer between me and my mom.


Janitor: Oh, yeah? Well, from what I hear I'm your last option.
J.D.: Options?! I got cable TV and a dead dog! I got plenty of options!

Carla: We should ask him back.
Turk: Baby, no. We're too proud. We are the proud Turks.
J.D.: Hey, guys! The heater's broken again.
Carla: What happened?
J.D.'s Narration: I clubbed it with a Mag-Lite.
J.D.: I could probably stay and fix it. It could take three, four, five days.
Turk: I did a triple bypass yesterday. I think I could fix the heater.

J.D.: Hello! Anybody home?
Carla: J.D., we're right here!
J.D.'s Narration: Tell them you want to come back!
J.D.: I just came by to get my toothbrush.

Elliot: I cannot believe what I just heard!
Dr. Cox: The tick-tocking of your biological clock leading you towards the corner of Celibate and Spinster Way?
Jordan: Sometimes it's great to already have a bastard child.
Dr. Cox: You said it.
Elliot: You know, it is our obligation as doctors to tell someone when there is a problem. And I will bring a child into this world when I am good and ready, not when society dictates I must.

Can't we do something else? (A toe floats towards her face) Look, I already said I don't want to play that game, Turk!


Carla: Oh! And Laverne told me that Nurse Tisdale is sleeping with that married albino radiologist.
Elliot: Oh, I feel so bad for his wife.
Carla: Elliot! It's not about empathy, it's about judging people.

Dr. Cox: Say, Ronnie, what say we let the kids play for a while? They could probably play with, uh, I don't know, how about the building blocks that Jack very, very rarely ever even touches?
Ron: You know, uh, Nathan is actually in the 90th percentile in height.
Dr. Cox: Jack's only in the 85th.
Ron: Aw.
Dr. Cox: Of course, he's in the 99th for head size.
Ron: Congratulations. Your son's the Hamburgler.

J.D.: Oh, I don't-I don't have one of those, Todd.
Todd: No problem. What are you, about a medium?
J.D.: Extra-medium.
Todd: This'll work. And it'll look good, too.

J.D.: Thanks for letting us crash here, man.
Todd: The Todd's not accustomed to receiving gentleman callers.
J.D.: Okay...

Kylie: I'm just not sure I'm comfortable with you sleeping here.
J.D.: Kylie, I hear you. But trust me, this week is not gonna be about sex. Even though I think we both agree that's where we'd eventually like our relationship to end up, right? So what do you say?

Scrubs Season 4 Episode 18 Quotes

Ron: You know, uh... I just wanna say that, uh, I'm gonna handle this kid situation so much better than you ever could.
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break. I would kick your ass in situation-handling. I'm a doctor, for God sakes. And, for the record, the Vegas odds-makers are makin' Coxy a heavy favorite.
Ron: Well, then, I would just bet on me and make a bundle.
Dr. Cox: You know what? I probably would, too.

J.D.: Aha! Behold, the Twinkie from the first day we moved in! I owe you an apology, Turk. Splitsies?
Turk: Of course. (To Carla) Heh. Want some?
Carla: No!
Turk: Okay, fine. More for me.