Scrubs Season 1 Episode 18: "My Tuscaloosa Heart" Quotes
Jordan: Hey honey, I'm home! You know, you should lock your door there's horrible people out there.
Dr. Cox: There's horrible people right in here.
Jordan: May you forgot how this works, see, when I say that "Hi honey" thing, you take your pants off. See, that's the rules of the booty call.
Dr. Cox: Jordan, believe me, I enjoy our meaningless, post-divorce sex as much as the next guy you will marry, but your timing ca-ould not be worse.
Jordan: Oh...maybe you don't remember the terms of our settlement. When Jordan needs sex, Jordan gets sex
Kristen: You are a brave man. You're an attending here and not only you're dating a med student, you're holding hands with her in public.
Dr. Cox: Well, normally I would never do this, but there are mitigating factors.
Kristen: Like what?
Dr. Cox: Well, for starters, you are very hot
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Reid, one of the nurses found your stethoscope in the bathroom.
Elliot: Oh, thank you so much, sir...
Dr. Kelso: This isn't it, sweetheart. I had them leave yours where it was. Let's try to be a little more responsible, shall we?
Dr. Cox: Hey, Kristen, slow down!
Kristen: You have no idea how many times you're going to say that tonight.
Dr. Cox: Boy, you're making it hard.
Kristen: You're going to say that, too
Dr. Cox: Listen, Sweetcheeks, I am seeing someone who-
Jordan: Let me guess, let me guess - dark haired, domineering, doesn't take any of your crap? You see, a lesser person would mock your inability to move on. I'm going to consider it an homage.
Dr. Cox: There is something so...soft about you
Dr. Cox: Look, I am seeing someone right now - who, by the way, is great - and yet there's this other woman who I cannot get out of my head. She's totally unavailable, which may be why I can't get her out of my head, and maybe, and this is a whole new theory - I keep thinking of this other woman - the unavailable one - because I am so afraid that the first thing might actually work out and God forbid I ever do something that might actually make me happy. Do you have any idea what I'm talking about?
Jordan: Oh my God. If I have to stay here and listen to this crap, I'll need a stronger drink.
Dr. Cox: I hate you.
Jordan: I hate you, too, honey.
Dr. Cox: Fair enough
Jordan: See, I told you when he saw us together he'd fold his arms and do the teeth thing.
Kristen: You know, he did the same thing the first time I saw him naked.
Jordan: No way, same here.
Kristen: Really?
Jordan: Yeah.
Dr. Cox: Ohh-kay, this is beyond horrible.
Jordan: Would you relax, Perry, I just came by for a board meeting and I wanted to meet the new lady in your life... and warn her.
Kristen: Thank you.
Jordan: You're welcome.
Dr. Cox: Kristen... this is my emotional baggage. Baggage... Kristen
Kristen: Moving furniture with that nurse you have a crush on. That's your hundred percent?
Dr. Cox: No, no, no, no, the hundred percent actually came well after that. Look, her boyfriend was there the entire time, and if you want to know the truth, bailing on you is far and away the best thing that could have happened because it made me realize that I was sabotaging myself again. What, if you don't believe me, ask Jordan. Would you please tell her what I said to you right before you left this morning.
Kristen: Left where?
Dr. Cox: Uhh... um... uh...
Kristen: You're unbelievable
Dr. Cox: No, wait a minute - you don't have to go... you know, if... if you don't want to.
Jordan: Oh my God, are you really that lonely?
Dr. Cox: Kinda, yeah.
Jordan: All right, I'll toss you a quickie, but no talking