Scrubs Season 4 Episode 11: "My Unicorn" Quotes
Dr. Cox: Yeah, yeah. Look, Claudia: Just promise me you won't get too involved with your patient. Okay?
J.D.'s Narration: After getting more involved, I found out Mr. Marks's son was an air-traffic controller at a small private airport.
Elliot: I have been kicking ass lately, but this place is such a boys' club I still can't even get x-rays or lab tests back on time.
Carla: Hey, Elliot, if you're desperate to get things done, you could always do what Jordan does.
Jordan: Could you move my car out of the sun? If the seat gets too hot, my thighs get all pink and sweaty.
The guy grabs the keys and takes off in a flash.
Jordan: Yeah. Bye-bye, security guard.
Elliot: Hm. Very classy.
Elliot: Franklyn. I was wondering if you could put a rush on Mr. Lowenstein's urinalysis? Because I've got a really important interview for a fellowship next year.
Franklyn: No. We're done talking now.
Carla: Elliot. We can help.
Turk: No! No. You will not turn Elliot into some flirtatious manipulator. I mean, don't get me wrong, outside the hospital, Elliot with her hair up is a slammin' hottie. But in here she's an asexual mess. And that's the natural order of things. And you don't mess with the natural order!
Carla: Elliot, don't listen to him, he doesn't know what he's talking about.
J.D.: Excuse me, are you Murray Marks?
Murray: I'm busy.
J.D.: You don't look busy.
Speaker: Tower, this is flight 117. We've lost an engine.
Murray: Yeah, you're right. I'm not busy.
J.D.: You can take that.
Murray: No, no, no. Let's talk.
Speaker: Oh, God! We've lost the other engine!
J.D.: Take it! TAKE IT!
Murray: Okay. Pull up, 117. Pull up... Hello?... Hello? We lost 'em. So what was your thing?
J.D.: Shouldn't you call the fire department or something!?!
Murray: Nah, nah. That was just Mickey fooling around.
Jordan: Don't judge me, stick. You do what you have to do to level the playing field.
Elliot: Well, Carla and I would never behave that way.
Carla: Thank you.
Elliot: How'd you get chocolate cake? He said they didn't have any!
Carla: Oh. I just did like this (thrusts cleavage) and said, "Got cake?"
J.D.: Anyway, know Mr. Marks? He said he doesn't have any family to be a kidney donor? But he's got a son! We gotta find this guy!
Dr. Cox: Look, Newbie, there are times a man wants to keep something to himself. Like, say, he's got a son. Or he's 29-years-old and keeps a journal with a unicorn drawn on the cover?
J.D.: Ah, that's a horse with a sword on his head, and he's there to guard my hopes and dreams.
Murray: Whenever I'm around the guy I'm invisible.
J.D.: Oh, come on, you're exaggerating.
Mr. Marks: Heeeey, good lookin'! Whaaaa'cha got cookin'? How's about cookin' something up with me!
Murray: See what I mean?
J.D.: Shhh! I love this song.
J.D.: All right, we-what's the problem with your dad?
Murray: Well, for starters, he named me "Murray." That's an old man's name!
J.D.: Oh, come on, no it isn't!
Several old guys stick their heads out of their rooms and go, "Whaaat?"
Murray: Everything my father's ever done was designed to humiliate me.
Old guys: Whaaaaaat?
J.D.: No, the youngest Murray!
Old Murray: I'm sixty-eight!
J.D.: Dr. Cox...? You were wrong! I found his son, I found his son, I f-
Murray: That's meeee!... Too early?
J.D.: We rehearsed this!
Murray: We were on your scooter.
Murray: I'm not quite sure I'm getting this.
J.D.: Ugh! What's not to get? Look, Dr. Cox told me not to get involved, I defied him, and now, with your help, I'm gonna rub it in his face, okay? Now for the last time, the song goes like this: "You were wrong! I found his son, I found his son, I found his son!" And then you jump out and go, "That's me!"
Murray: Yeah, but-okay, but wouldn't it be funnier if I came on the second "I found his son," just to get to it?
J.D.: Yeah, that would be a whole lot funnier. But I have a question: Who's gonna be singing the "I found his son" song? Because it certainly won't be me! Okay?
Elliot: Do you have chocolate cake today?
Cafeteria Worker: Nope.
Elliot: Oh. Isn't that just the pickle on the giant crap sandwich that is my day!
Elliot: Oh my God, I am so sorry. I'm just having the worst day.
Turk: It's no biggie. Forgive and forget, right?... (to cross): Please get her.