Liam: You get them anything for the wedding?
Carl: Yeah, edible boxers.

Liam: Mickey's the bride?
Ian: Nope, groom.
Liam: So, you're the bride.
Ian: No, also a groom.
Liam: Who's wearing the white tux?
Ian: Mickey.

  • Permalink: Mickey.
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Carl: Take your meds yet?
Ian: Yep.
Carl: Going to be a stressful day.
Ian: Got it.

Terry: Mickey's not marrying that ginger fuck today.
[Church of Gay Jesus members sing.]
Terry: Oh, what the hell? Fuckin' hippie homos.
Terry's Friend: Jesus, look at all these lesbos.
Terry: And fairies. Kumbaya, bitch!
[Terry exits the car and waves a gun. Everyone chants at him. He gets back in the car.]
Terry: Go.
Man: What do you want me to do?
Terry: Drive, fuckhead. I can't shoot 'em all.

Carl: How much do these tuxes cost?
Ian: Mickey rented them at some fancy place downtown.
Carl: Where's Mickey getting all the money for this?
Ian: Savings, he says.
Liam: Hmm. Savings?

Liam: Father Pete marrying you?
Ian: Father Pete's Catholic. Pope won't let him marry gay people.
Liam: But Father Pete's gay. Lives in the rectory with the organist with the nipple ring.
Carl: Wait, the organist at Saint Sebastian's got a nipple ring?

Time to leave this little rat crap behind you and get on with being an adult.

Lawyer

Fiona: I feel like I got a second chance.
V: So, what now?

Brad: How are you doing, Tammi?
Tammi: None of your fucking business, Brad.

Lip: Any ideas?
Fiona: We can't like drug him and dump him under a bridge.
Carl: Why not?

Take care of them for me, will ya?

Fiona

Fiona: Hi, my name's Fiona, and I'm not sure if I'm an alcoholic.
Everyone: Hi Fiona.

Shameless Quotes

Fiona: I've had a rough few months, but I've turned a corner.
Margo: People who say they've turned a corner, they haven't turned a corner.

Alcohol is a gift.

Frank