South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralSouth Park Season 3 Episode 5: "Tweek vs. Craig" Quotes
Jimbo: You're in luck; Ned here used to be the state champion until a grenade blew his arm off.
Ned: Mm, I can still kick ass.
Cartman: When I have you guy's 10 bucks I'm gonna use it to buy the sweetest big screen TV in the world.
Kyle: That's more than 10 bucks you stupid fat ass!
Cartman: But if I get 10 bucks from each of you that's like $2000.
Quit screwin' around.
Mr. Adler
MORAL#1:
Woman: Richard, you have to go on. I want you to be happy.
Adler: But I never got to say goodbye to you.
Woman: Then say it now, Richard.
Richard: Goodbye...
Woman: There. Now are you happy?
Adler: No
Woman: Of course you aren't. Saying goodbye doesnt mean anything. It's the times that we lived in that matters, not how we left it.
Adler: You're right... You're right!
Grandma: Richard! It's me! Grandma!
Adler: Grandma?! Hi, Gram
Corey: Hey, Richard! Remember me?!
Adler: Uncle Corey! Wow, you're all alive again!
Corey: No, we're dead!
MORAL#2:
Stan: Hey, guys. How are ya feeling?
Tweek: Ahh!
Craig: Uhh.
Stan: Yeah, well, we have something to say.
Kyle: We wanted to see who was the toughest. WE made you fight each other. WE made up all that stuff we said.
*Craig flips off boys*
Cartman: Yes, you can flip us off Craig, we deserve that. We just came by to apologize, we feel so bad.
Kyle: Whoa did you hear that, Tweek?
Tweek: (Exhausted) What?
Kyle: Craig just called you a boner.
Tweek: Agh! You son of a bitch!
(Fights Craig again)
Kyle: We just have to keep pouring gas into the fire.
Stan: Yeah!
Cartman: Well then I guess you won't care about what Tweek said about your mom.
Craig: Nope.
(slams door)
Cartman: GODDAMMIT!
(knocks and Craig opens the door)
Cartman: I guess you won't care about what he said about your guinea pig.
Craig: WHAT DID HE SAY ABOUT STRIPE!!
(Cartman and Craig are Sumoing)
Cartman: Respect mah authoritah!! (Shoves his ass at Craig)
Craig: Oh, Jesus! I can't take it!
Sumo Trainer: Fight back! Resist the ass!
Craig: How can I resist an ass so great!?!
Sumo Master: It is only an ass! You must overcome the ass with your mind!
You are here because you are America's future. You may someday be doctors, or lawyers, or scientists. Most of you, however, will be pumping gas or cutting sheet metal. And that's why we have shop class.
Mr. Adler
There is indeed great power in your ass, Eric. Perhaps you should consider sumo as a profession.
Sumo Master
(while boxing Tweek) What you got bee-och?
Ned
It is only an ass. You must overcome the ass with your mind!
Sumo Master
